


Through Subject

by dkspresso



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (Kinda) Slow Burn, Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Student Kim Jongin | Kai, Top Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Tutor Do Kyungsoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:13:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22607557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dkspresso/pseuds/dkspresso
Summary: Jongin finds himself falling for his new english tutor, and goddamnit— he doesn’t even know if Kyungsoo is into guys or not.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 33
Kudos: 211





	1. I Am Not, Am I?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I’ve posted this already in aff under the username ‘heyleavemealone’ so I hope there’d be no misunderstandings. And yeah, english isn’t my first language so I hope for yall to don’t mind the errors and enjoy the story! =)

It’s October. The shine of the sun is barely seen because of the cloudy sky. It's a bit windy too. Basically similar with what Jongin is feeling right now. He stares at the paper that the teacher just hands him. It’s his english test result. He can’t manage to lift the paper up and see it, because he could suggest what his result will be.

“How’s your test?” Sehun, comes out of nowhere, take the paper on Jongin’s table, oblivious about Jongin’s hand that slightly tries to take the paper back out of Sehun's reach. And a few seconds pass quickly. “..oh.” Sehun says understandingly after give the paper a sight. Jongin exhales a heavy sigh before finally let out a word. 

“I can’t believe I failed, _again_.“

Sehun also sighs in emphaty. “I can’t believe it either. The test was pretty easy you know.”

“Wow, thank you for the encouragement.” He replies sarcastically before yanks the paper out of Sehun’s hand and shove it inside his pocket carelessly. “English just isn’t my thing.”

“yeah, it’s not like your life is depended on that dumb english test,” Sehun gives Jongin a shrug and a small chuckle, and it makes Jongin feel a bit better. His best friend knows what to say as always. 

But it doesn’t last long because one voice decided to join the conversation. “actually, your life do depends on that test result. If you failed one more time, you know you have to retake this class.” Jongin groans and bang his head to the table because what the voice has said is true. He’s been failing too many english test by now. Excuse him but he refuses to retake a year.

“Shut up Jongdae, I don’t need a reminder.”

Jongdae simply presses his lips into a thin line and raised his eyebrows that yelled ‘okay’ and make his way out of the table. Before he get out of the classroom, he pauses his step,

“I just don’t want to graduate and see you still stuck in this class only because you can’t manage to pass a _dumb_ english test, Jongin.”

—

“..Jongin? Hey, are you listening?”

Jongin looks up. His Brother, Kim Junmyeon, sits on the sofa beside him, leaning comfortably with a frown. Oh. He was talking to him. "I.. I didn't. Sorry." A look that crossed Jongin's face doesn't left unnoticed.

"Jongin, is there something wrong?" His older brother asks him. If it comes to this, Junmyeon is fast. He's doing a good job as a brother because he knows Jongin so well that he could guess something is off with only a slight expression of him. He sighs. "Not a big deal, it's just- I doubt i'll pass my english class."

" _What?_ Then why did you take it in the first place?" The elder looks a bit confused. Jongin doesn't blame him though, he wanted to be mad at himself too, why did he think taking english would be easier than taking chemistry? Why did he think taking english would be a good idea? Ugh, his mind.

"I thought it'd be easy, okay?” Jongin answered, shows him a bit of offended look and receives a disbelief look from Junmyeon.

“You were understimating english.”

"I swear if you're not gonna help me and only wanted to mock me for my poor life decision i'm leaving." Jongin shifts to make his way out easier to go through, followed by a rapid _no no no_ from the elder.

"I only come once a week, respect my presence and hear me out please?"

He's not wrong. Junmyeon is 3 years older than Jongin, and it's also been two years since he moved out to get a closer access to the University. As a good son he is, he always finds time to visit the family once a week, or once in two weeks if he's really busy. Jongin folds his hand.

"You know I respect you, hyung. So, what were you trying to say?"

"Have you considered to ask someone to tutor you?"

Truthfully, he did, but he just doesn't want to. If the tutor is more helpful than the school itself, then school is everything but useless. And anyway, people around him doesn't look really convicing to give them the responsibility to tutor him.

Finally, Jongin shrugs as a reply. "even if i wanted to, there's no one reliable though?" Jongin raise his eyebrows as well like it's the most obvious thing ever. He lifts up his head again to face Junmyeon expecting a disappointed look. Unexpectedly, Junmyeon give him a knowing smile instead.

"There, where I can help you, Jongin-ah."

\---

Do Kyungsoo.

It's not like the name is new to him, he’s his brother’s friend afterall. He ever heard it a few times already, or actually quite often. His first time to acknowledge the name is, if he doesn't mistaken, around 1 year ago, when his brother called him in order to say thank you for the package jongin'd sent him. But accross the other line, he could heard another voice was singing. And _god_ it ridiculously sounded so good to listen to. He remembers unconsciously paid more attention to the singer that he accidentally cut off Junmyeon's words abruptly only to asked him who was singing.

"Oh, you mean _Kyungsoo_?"

And after that day, the name remains in Jongin's head for the longest time ever. He just found his voice attractive, that's all, nothing else. At least it's what he believes for the past 5 months or more.

However, aside from his brother's stories that sometimes contains Kyungsoo in it, and beside the fact Jongin had secretly requested Junmyeon to give him more of Kyungsoo's recorded voice when he sings, Jongin never actually sees his face.

The only concern he has back then was how was that possible to be sounded so angelic, yet so firm while he sings. Not to mention he's also captivated by the way the man hit the high notes effortlessly but then casually continue to sing in a stable, clear, foreign language.

Basically the same language Jongin is currently has a trouble with.

It feels unreal. when Junmyeon called Kyungsoo right away that night, put it on speaker, and then told him every detail before finally asked the man the main point of the whole conversation.

_“Tutoring?”_

The voice answered in a low tone, and there was a few seconds of silence from the other end. Jongin held his breath, scared the man would reject the offer. _“I’m free every Tuesday and Thursday around 5pm if is that okay.”_

“Perfect.” His brother replied almost instantly. “Thank you, Kyungsoo. And I apologize if I just give you more burden to handle to.” 

The other voice chuckled.

_“No, it’s not, really. Is your little brother there? I’d like to talk to him.”_

Junmyeon gave him a small ‘of course’ and ‘wait a sec’ before handing Jongin the phone. He doubted at first, but nonetheless still took the phone.

_“So.. Jongin.”_

It was their first interaction despite Jongin has known him for months. He shivered lightly to heard his name being called by the voice. his name suddenly sounded so fit. He liked it. He liked the way he called his name.

“Yes? uh, thank you for agreeing. I really appreciate it.” He replied simply, didn’t want to fool himself by talking too much. 

_“it's fine. just come to my place anytime around that time okay? I’ll see how much I could help.”_

Even if Jongin couldn’t see it, he could feel the man was smiling, judging by his tone.

“I will, and.. thank you.”

After he hung up, he hadn’t move a muscle from his previous position. still processing what exactly just happened. “come on bud, I set you up for a tutor session, not a date.”

Junmyeon let out a small laugh, completely aware of Jongin’s cheek that slowly but surely turned into a fade shade of pink.

“geez, shut up.” He threw a pillow to an amused big brother before made his way to the bedroom.

Jongin can recall that night easily. 

“I swear if i see you drooling over your books i’m unfriending you.”

Jongin’s flashback just ends as he finds his best friend stand right in front of him. _The class ended already?_

“like is that possible.” Jongin spat back with a chuckle while his hand working on putting all of his things back inside his bag. Sehun folds his hands.

“I can see you daydreaming since the very beginning of class, Jongin. You better tell me what the hell happened because something has obviously happened.”

Jongin just rolls his eyes, doesn’t bother to curse himself for being too obvious because he’s going to tell Sehun anyway. He even told him about Kyungsoo right the day after he found out his name. 

“Remember Kyungsoo?”

Jongin starts.

“Oh, the guy with the voice you've been attracted to?”

“Yes, that’s the one. I.. kind of asked him to tutor me.”

“Wait what? you asked him to _what_?” Sehun asks in disbelief, which draws some attention by the classmates who still present in class.

Jongin hisses and gestures Sehun to come closer. And he does. “Do you really need to be that loud? it’s only a tutor session!” Jongin says with a voice that’s not louder than a whisper. 

“Sorry,” Sehun replies also in a whisper. “if it was another person i’ll not surprised, but it’s _you_.” 

The sitting man in front of Sehun frowns.

“So what if it’s me? am I not allowed to get tutored?”

“Jongin. Last time you got paired for a tutor session you never came and went to my house instead.”

Oh, right.

“c’mon, It was long time ago, i’m a new man now.”

Now, it Sehun turns to knit his eyebrows.

“It was _a month_ ago.”

“People can change within a month you know, are you doubting me?” Jongin manages to respond with a nervous gulp.

Sehun gives Jongin a _are-you-serious_ look before replies back, “You only asked because it's Kyungsoo. I don't see any other reason beside that.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No. I’m. _not_.”

“Why are you even still insisting? Jongin it’s _obvious_.”

“ _Fine_ , maybe like, 5% of it.”

Sehun stands back as he rolls his eyes sarcastically. “Sure Jongin, sure.”

—

It's finally Tuesday, and Jongin finds himself standing in front of a door with 808 number sticks on it neatly. If the address his brother has sent him is correct, then the room behind the door is basically Kyungsoo's. He grips his phone tighter before unlocks it to check the time. 17:16PM. Despite he's not really late or early, he still hasn't find the guts to knock. He's never good with new people, yet still force himself to go here by himself. _Goddamnit_ , he should've tagged Sehun along with him.

Knowing he'll never collect his bravery into 100%, he knocks the door anyway. Consequences can wait.

He hears someone behind the door, saying something as ' _coming_ ' before foot steps following in. 

Then, the door is open, allow him a full display of a man who is holding the door's handle. Holding his breath, Jongin let the view before him sink in.

And literally fuck him.

Fuck his brother too, for not saying a thing about how fucking attractive Kyungsoo is. he has an inked black hair which settled nicely to the side, his mesmerizing firm and strong features, and he only wears a plain black shirt and a black sweatpants but still capable to look g-

"Kim Jongin?"

Jongin startles a bit when the man talks, oh my god, he didn't realize he was staring. And oh my god, despite of he heard the man voice already trough the call a few days ago, it sounds two times better in person. He gulps,

"Yeah, it's me. And you're Kyungsoo, I supposed."

Jongin is surprised he's able to answer stablely. But he can muse it later because Kyungsoo starts to smile softly and Jongin swears his heart skips a beat. "Come in, then. It's getting dark outside." As he gestures Jongin to come inside. He makes his way to the nearest couch, put his bag on his lap, make himself comfortable. "Do you want anything to drink?" Kyungsoo asks while he walks towards the kitchen.

"I'm fine with water." He answers politely.

"Do you want coffee? milk? or do you prefer tea?"

Ok it's either Kyungsoo is ingnoring him or he just didn't hear him.

"I'll take water." Jongin says again, louder. Kyungsoo stop himself from brewing his coffee and turn to look at Jongin, and chuckle. "You always can take water anytime. Don't be so tense Jongin, just pick one you'd like to have."

Jongin is screwed up enough with only his voice and now he has to face it with the visual staring at him? uh oh, if he was screwed up before I guess he's fucked up now. He can't even imagine how the tutor session will be going if he already can feel the heat on his face with only how the man put his gaze on him. When he sees Kyungsoo tilts his head slightly is where he remembers Kyungsoo is waiting for an answer.

"Ah, I'll have hot chocholate then."

Kyungsoo's hands work fast as it looks like making beverages is a common thing to him. _does he work part time in a cafe or something?_ Jongin can't help but wonder. In no time Kyungsoo is finished, and makes his way to put Jongin's drink on the table and sit on the couch beside him before sips his coffee quietly. Jongin picks up his hot chocholate and taste it as well. He likes it.

"So,"

Kyungsoo speaks out, breaks the silence that started to grow, caused Jongin to drag his eyes to meet Kyungsoo's.

"Shall we begin the session?"

\---

".. and that's why you don't use _past tense,_ but _present perfect tense_ on this sentence. Get it?"

Jongin let out a 'ooh' sound as a sign of an understanding. "Just like that? I swear my teacher make it looks like 10 times harder."

Kyungsoo chuckles. "I know, sometimes teachers really do no help."

it's been a month since their first session, and Kyungsoo is nice throughout everything. in their session they don't really talk about other things beside the subject, but the tense atmosphere is no longer exist. He teaches patiently, warm gaze making sure Jongin is following and with gentle voice explains things even when Jongin keep missing the point and Kyungsoo needs to repeat the explanation several times. no pressure. And Jongin found it enjoyable. He enjoys it more than he should probably. 

But the sessions didn't really go as easy as he just described.

And the problem is not Kyungsoo. Well, _technically,_ he is.

He is literally the factor why Jongin gets distracted a lot. with how that mouth move and how kyungsoo somehow gets too close to his breathing space can you blame him though?

The more they get serious into a certain topic, the more Jongin notices the little gestures Kyungsoo does, the habits he does. Kyungsoo would rub his temple slowly as he gets drown in his thoughts, brows knitting while he has his eyes keenly on the paper. Then as he figures it out he'd rub his upper lip instead. Call him weird but Kyungsoo looks so hot.

"Lets call it a day before it gets any late." Kyungsoo suddenly says, breaking all of Jongin's thoughts.

Jongin drinks the rest of his hot chocholate in one go, hiding his face from heating up before glances at the clock, it's 8. 

"Are you sure you can go home alone?"

Jongin chuckles at that, "You've been asking the same question everytime I'm going home. Yes I'm sure hyung." He stands up after tidy up his belongings and walk towards the door which Kyungsoo already open for him. He's welcome by the cold wind that without hesitation hits him. _Shit_ , he should've brought along his scarf. Kyungsoo who steps outside as well to walk out Jongin also seem to notice the night breeze as well.

"it's cold."

"it is,"

He glances at Jongin before finally speak out,

"You didn't bring your scarf?"

Yeah. of course Kyungsoo will notice it. Jongin shake his head while smile weakly to the older man in front of him.

"wait here." He says after a brief thoughts and rushes to go back inside. Jongin just shrugs and hugs himself while rubs his upper arm for heat. He does kinda get the idea of what Kyungsoo is gonna do, but a light "Here," coming from behind him and hands suddenly wraps around his neck still make him almost jump off from his heels, feeling something around his neck gets tightened. "Hold on," Kyungsoo says again, breathes around his nape. Oh my god, he can feel Kyungsoo's hot breathe on his nape. It doesnt take long, really. But it does felt like it. His hands that are slightly brushing against Jongin's neck is doing no help from his whole body to not to get tense. 

"You can have it till our next session." he said while adjusts the scraf so it wraps around his neck comfortably.

Jogin is dumbfounded. Because _heck_ , the scarf smells a lot like Kyungsoo, and he still can feel the strong presence behind him. forget the cold breeze, his whole body is started to burning hot.

"Your face is red Jongin, you better head home now before it gets any colder." the elder says, sounding genuinely concerned before pulling himself away. Jongin leaves, knowing his red face has nothing to do with the cold.

\---

"Oh my god. I can't believe it actually worked!"

Sehun exclaims, amazed to see Jongin's scores on their latest english test. He gets an A while Sehun only got a B+, and Jongin seems to can't hide his excitement.

"Me too! did you see this Sehun? I even beat you! holy shit, i'm seriously going to pass!" he beams happily.

Sehun is apparently annoyed. "for real Jongin, you better take me to your next session with Kyungsoo. i knew this is some kind of voodoo shit going on here."

Jongin laughs at that, "hell, you just envy." while grinning. he looks back again at his test result. wow, he actually _did_ this. he almost can't believe it either that spent his time with Kyungsoo twice a week would really worked. because well, his first intention was to get to know the elder, to _actually learn_ is a bonus.

Ok he gotta admit Sehun might had a point then.

"Anyways," Sehun put his paper back. "How things going on bewteen you two by the way?" Jongin raises his eyebrows, not really catching up what's the thing the younger tries to aim. "good, i guess? why?"

"No, that's not what I mean," Sehun snickers, "I mean your crush towards Kyungsoo. How's the progress?"

hearing that Jongin almost chokes on air, before shoot Sehun a look. "What the fuck sehun?"

"That thing you know? like, do you ever imagine how to be touched by him? Gosh, let alone that do you ever feel your body tingles every time he touched you? or your heart suddenly beating so fast every time he is near? or how it'd feel to have his li-"

"Ok I get, I _get it_ , I swear to god where the hell you got the idea? it's not like that." he cut off, even when he isn't really confident with with his answer.

Sehun knew well despite they're only 17, Jongin already found himself take no interest in girls, boobs, vaginas, pussy or basiclly anything related to it. but the thing is : he never been attracted to men before either. So he hasn't really concluded anything. At least he's pretty sure of something.. that he does like Kyungsoo, but that's it. his kind of like simply stays in 'admire' category. it has to be.

"Oh my god, what the hell are you so dumb for? even a blind man could tell." 

"I knew exactly the boundaries ok? don't act like you knew things better than me, i'm older than you. I've been in your age and you've never been in mine. pay attention." Jongin claims confidently with pride. Sehun ugly laughs at that, followed by Jongin who's been holding his laugh too. "what are you even trying to prove with being a few months older, i really can't stand you."

"Shut up, older is older." Jongin says again, feeling incredibly good today.

"Whatever, it doesn't change the fact you have the hots for Kyungsoo."

" _God,_ just drop it already,"

"You're living in so much denial it's unbelievable."

Jongin just shakes his head instead of replying. sure, talking nonsense is one of Sehun's habit by now. what does he know about that girlies feeling? it's not like he always lost himself under Kyungsoo's deep gaze, never imagine how good Kyungsoo's plump lips would feel against his, wouldn't pay any attention either to his biceps everytime he rolls up his sleeves, never keep an eye on Kyungsoo's veiny hands everytime he prepare their beverages or to point out something on his books, he'd never imagine how those hands would feel around his neck. no,

Definitely not.

So why does his whole face is heating up only because the thoughts above?

"Jongin?"

" _Jongin_."

The voice makes Jongin snaps out of his thoughts, greeted by Kyungsoo's face in front. Oh right, he's in the middle of the session right now. And oh shit, he's been spacing out.

"Are you tired? we can end it here." Kyungsoo said with a reassuring tone. Jongin shakes his head, try to convince him. _fuck you Sehun,_ _this is all your fault._ curse him internally. "uh no, it's okay, what were you saying?" Jongin look at him, but doesn't expect for their gazes to meet. like usual, Kyungsoo's face is unreadable and firm.

He has a feeling it'd last a few minutes if Kyungsoo's phone didn't ring. Kyungsoo glance at the screen, "Sorry, just continue the work ok?" while excuse himself to go to the other room to answer the call. when Kyungsoo is gone from his view, he take the chance to calm whatever is wrong with him. He tries to distract himself and turn his focus back to his books. it's not long until he finds difficulty again and give up because he can't make up his mind about what conditional this sentence supposed to have. while waiting for Kyungsoo to return, he hear a vague _"yeah i'm still tutoring Junmyeon's little brother, i'll join you soon"_ before he shows his presence again.

Kyungsoo smiles softly at him, the smile he always show Jongin but never failed to melt something inside him. "Need help?"

Jongin nods sheepishly, while points out the thing. To his surprised, Kyungsoo didn't sit on the opposite of the table like he always did, instead he takes a sit right beside Jongin with eyes still focusing on the sentence that Jongin just pointed out. he almost jolt when he feels a hand lands on his upper thigh, and start caressing it. he looks up only to see Kyungsoo looks like he's still trying to comprehend the exercise.

_do you ever feel your body tingles every time he touched you?_

Kyungsoo squezeed his thigh softly. It's a subtle gesture, and he almost let out gasp. He doesn't know what triggers it, but now every each skin of him feels so sensitive. All he can focus right now is the tasteful looking hand resting on his thigh.

_or your heart suddenly beating so fast every time he is near?_

Kyungsoo leans back, seems to have found the answer he has been looking for and turns to face Jongin, and he's so close, making his heart in his ribcage acting up. He can clearly hear the echo of his heart pounding fast, makes him feel sick. he doesn't know why, and he doesn't bother to think about it. His mind spins, his stomach drop because he can't find himself thingking straight.

"So, Jongin."

He can feel the warm breath Kyungsoo let out, he can smell the flavor of what coffee Kyungsoo just had. They basically share the same oxygen right now, and it feels like Kyungsoo take all of the remaining oxygen left because he can barely breath. It's so hot. It's so suffocating, to be aware oh having Kyungsoo near him.

_do you ever imagine how it would feel like to be touched by him?_

And his stupid mind-- imagining it. It is the last straw. The familiar hot feeling in his gut crawl in and hits him without warning, and there's where he knew he should call it a day for his own good before his hormones get any further. Or worse, Kyungsoo noticing his bulge under his pants.

He comes home in a rush, ignoring his mother calling out for him and goes directly to his room.

That night, he may or may not have his first orgasm with his english tutor in mind.


	2. Very, Very Distracting

"Hey, do you want to go to my university Christmas party?" Junmyeon asks one day, still chewing on his dinner.

Jongin turns his attention to Junmyeon from his phone for a brief second. "Me?" 

"Yes, we're allowed to bring guests, you know?" Junmyeon raises an eyebrow like he just made a legit point.

"when?" he doesn't feel like going, but to simply ask just seem appropriate.

"Err, 12th December if i'm not mistaken."

"Oh no," Jongin cuts out almost immediately. "I have my finals that week." he cries out at the thought, because he is so-not-ready for the finals. "Aw,” The elder shoot him a pity look, “That's unfortunate. Next year then." Junmyeon just sigh before he takes another bite.

it was silence between the two siblings, until Junmyeon finally open the conversation again,

"How's your english class going though? Did Kyungsoo do any help?"

He almost let his guard off by hearing the sensitive subject being mentioned.

After the incident of his 'awaken' feelings, he can't look Kyungsoo in the eyes anymore. He is still too embarrased at how wild his mind can be when he tried to get off last week by thinking of his tutor. Jongin’s cheeks heat up, his mind goes back to where he bury his nose with Kyungsoo's scarf, exhaling every scent of the tutor left while he was pleasuring himself.

Good, now he can't see the scarf the same anymore.

plus he feels like a creep. it feels _so_ inappropriate he really wants to die here and there.

Like, alright, he can deal with him touching himself no matter how he’s ashamed about it, (hey, it’s normal isn’t?) but. He _never_ reached this teritory before. Touching himself with a thought of a man. a _man_. breathing and and alive, a literal human being that he sees constantly, someone who he knew personally, and not some dumbshit porn actors and actresses.

"Um yeah, he helps a lot."

he states simply. Avoiding aye contacts. and for his gladness, the conversation ends there. 

\---

He finds himself get more distracted easily every time he has his session with Kyungsoo. He only can thank god at how good his self control is. He tries to get rid of those goddamn feelings, but every time he attempts to do just that, it seems like he just gets drawn more. He just can't.

Not when Kyungsoo keep looking at him with those firm, sincere eyes.

Not when Jongin likes to see his smile and his laugh too much more than he likes to admit.

Not when things feels just so right every time he is near.

"Jongin-ah,"

Jongin startles a bit, not realizing Kyungsoo is talking to him for a mere sec.

"Is there something bothering you?" a slight concern can be seen by his face. his voice reassuring and soothing, seeping into Jongin's bones effortlessly.

"Ah, it's nothing." he continues, "you know.. just get a bit pressured lately because finals are near." he succeed make up a reason, because there's no way he will ever confess at the fact Kyungsoo IS the one who has been occupying his mind.

The elder seems like he does not buy the excuses, and stares at the younger as he tries to read his mind. Jongin look away, can't bear to be drown by looking at the gazes again. Its not for long until Kyungsoo eventually pull out his usual soft smile again and sigh, "Whatever it is, don't keep it all to yourself, yeah?" while mildly shuffle Jongin's hair. A few strand of hair drop right in front of his eyes, and hell, its the last thing Jongin can care about.

How can you expect Jongin to not keep turning into a mush if he keeps treating him like that?

He just nods, tries his best to pretend the loud thump in his chest is a non existence. He busies himself again with the paper work in front of him. r _elax Kim fucking Jongin. It's totally normal. there's no irrational reason why Kyungsoo has to be so kind to him, he is just born well behaved, attractiviely mature and well mannered._ he probably treat everyone like he does to Jongin. His stupid crush on him needs to be gone before the feelings grow further than he wanted it to be.

Jongin goes back to do his work. he sternly does it all and fill most of the questions right, proving himself he has improved a lot compared to before he gets taught by the elder.

He grins when Kyungsoo just finishes grades his paper. And Kyungsoo notices his little excitement. "you're getting better. I'm sure you're ready for the finals."

Jongin beams happily, maybe this is worth it after all. "Thank you."

Then there's nothing are said. Only the sound of Kyungsoo sipping on his coffee accompany them. It's silence, but no one attempts to talk first as it looks like, comfortable with the current state.

"Do you realize how adorable you are, Jongin-ah?"

The elder states, out of the blue. And the younger looks up almost immediately, only to find Kyungsoo already staring at him with those eyes. Those eyes who always makes him feels like he's something.. more. But now, there's something different with his stares. It's just.. different. in a good way. something Jongin can't put a word into. 

"You know? I always envy Junmyeon," the elder starts, leans in to the crossed arm he has put on the table, gazes still lock firmly with the younger. Kyungsoo never one to talk much. but once he does, he meant it. He is basically the definition of a man of words.

"Why?" Jongin finds himself asking, subconsciously.

Kyungsoo is silent. He appears like he proceeds what he's about to say thoroughly. "he can see you wherever and whenever he wants to."

He never stutters to deliver a word. 

\---

This isn't right.

This isn't right.

Jongin keeps repeating it in his head as it's a spell which will make him stop.

He just get back from Kyungsoo's, a little bit rushed he can say.

soon he already lay down on his back, his pants already long gone. He pumps himself slowly, savoring the feeling.

He's aware, he shouldn't have done this. Kyungsoo has made it clear he only see him as a cute _little brother_. That he doesn't have any chances. He shouldn't get hot under the collar only because Kyungsoo thinks he's _adorable_.

Jongin's thumbing his head, giving it a bit pressure at the slit, working him out. Which earns breathy moans as the outcome.

_fuck_.

As he just lost an inner battle with himself, he closed his eyes and finally let his mind wander.

How it feels like to have Kyungsoo kissing every part of his body, his veiny hands roam over his chest, sliding down right to curl around his cock, warm breath that smells so much like hot coffee ghosting above his neck, collarbone, chest.

Jongin jerks at the thought. Who knows the thought of someone manhandling him would be such a turn on?

He quickens his fist, the precome that leaks out make it easier to and slippery. He shifts his other hand which he used on his nipple and bring it to his mouth. making sure it's wet enough. A slight embarassment washes over him when he spread his legs wider and a rope of split connecting his digits and his lips.

He's been wondering how it feels like to have _it_ in his hole. All of this are new to him. Experimentally, he closed his eyes again and let his fingers do its work.

" _ah_ ," 

He gasps when his wet digits finally made contact with his hole. His toes curl, body arches slightly. It's way more sensitive than he expected. And also, he has the feeling he's gonna enjoy it more than he has expected himself to.

He whimpers when he let his fingers rub over it, play with it. Jongin feels he might be drunk at how hot he is. The image of Kyungsoo hovering on top of him, pretending it's his fingers teasing his virgin hole. The feeling of been exposed, naked, in front of someone. 

" _Kyungsoo_ ,"

he toss his head to the back, moans breathlessly. Madly conscious at how hard he is. The stimulation gets over him. He speed up his pace, panting as he does so.

His fist on his cock while the other playing with his hole- it's driving him crazy, either he has to buck up or to grind back on his fingers. He shut his mouth close, afraid he might will let out too many loud noises, which earns breathy grunts instead. His eyes flutter shut when the familiar hot feeling churning in his lower stomach. It's when Jongin accidentally enter one digit into his hole, his whole body jolt, and he comes. The word ‘hyung’ lingers on his lips as he does so.

He lies on his bed, sweating, heaving. waiting for his body to recover. his late night of pleasuring himself getting a bit more tense since Kyungsoo encountered his cycle of life. he buries his face on the pillow, hope somehow it would bury his littlle guilt of pleasure of his tutor as well.

\---

Sehun gives him a look.

"How the fuck you can get better in english in only like 3 months?"

Jongin just laughs at him, "told you I can handle it."

"Yeah. who knows your little crush on Kyungsoo can give you benefits beside your sexual needs?" Sehun scoffs, which resulting a light punch on his upper arm from the elder.

"You're hopeless," he snickers.

"You literally have a crush on Bae Joohyun, you're the last one to talk."

Bae Joohyun is their former senior. only one year ahead of them, which means she graduated already. when she was still in high school, she was and still is an excellent student. she basically got it all. madly attractive, kind, brilliant. she is probably one of the high school's pride when she was still a student.

Everyone is so whipped for her, and Sehun isn't an exception.

The younger confer an offended look, "hey at least I admit I _indeed_ have a crush on her, unlike someone else I knew." 

Jongin gasps, pretend to take offense of the younger. he only replies with mouthing ' _you bastard_ ' before laugh it off together. he's tired of correcting him, so he just let it slide.

"Do you think I should ask someone to tutor me as well?" Sehun asks suddenly. Jongin frowns at him. "well, it's up to you. who are you gonna ask though?"

Sehun sends him a playful smile before replying, "Joohyun, of course."

The elder of both of them shakes his head in unbelieve, "shit. I gotta warn her."

"Yah, so you're the only one who allowed to have fun?" tease the younger again. "have fun my ass. if i left both of you and Joohyun in one room something undesireable might happen. better play safe."

He chortles, "undesireable? if i and Joohyun will ever have sex it would be so sexy. you'll see how much of a gentleman i am on bed."

Jongin acts like he's about to vomit. "yup. undesireable. let alone having sex with her, bet you can't even afford to make her kiss you by her own will."

"Did you just understimate my games?" Sehun replies, challenge in his tone. which Jongin replies with raising one of his brows, "yeah? and what about it? what exactly are you gonna do to convice her you're worth her time?"

The younger takes his time to think before give him his respond, "alcohol?" he says playfully.

Jongin smacks his head lightly while snickers. "you fucker, that's cheating."

"Alright, alright. I was kidding. what should I even do to seduce a goddess like her?"

"I don't know, you still haven't gave up on her yet? well, that's impressive."

"See? i was never one to back off."

"Maybe if you made the first movement years ago you're probably currently _dating_ her now and not _waiting_ for her." he mocks.

Sehun rolls his eyes. "get in Kyungsoo's pants first and then we'd talk."

Which earns another punch on his upper arm.

\---

Today is Monday. He goes to Kyungsoo's apartment at 6. Apparently because his english final is scheduled tomorrow, and Kyungsoo is gonna be at home late since it's Monday. Nonetheless, in order to help Jongin reviews his study, he promises to get back early. And Jongin think he couldn't be more grateful to have him as his tutor. It is set then. 6 on Monday. 

But things aren't always going on our way, and Jongin quickly discover Kyungsoo is not home after attempting to go in for 10 minutes.

 _shit_.

It's not only getting dark, but it also getting colder. He shouldn't have say this but he's disappointed. If Kyungsoo's schedule today is solid and he can't go back early as he has said before, he shouldn't have force himself to.

Or.. maybe he just late.

Jongin takes a sit in front of the door and hug his knees, seeking for heat. He texts Sehun but it looks like he's offline. It reminds him at the fact he and Kyungsoo haven't exchanged numbers yet. Great.

He's about to text Junmyeon when rapid footsteps distract him from his phone. He turns his head to his side- half expecting for it to be Kyungsoo's footsteps when it's _clearly_ someone in heels. And exactly, it's a woman. With a dark brown, shaggy-short hair, that she clearly rocks it. He wonder if she's one of Kyungsoo's neighbour because it's on sight that the woman jogs towards him.

What he doesn't expect is for her to slow down her pace right before Kyungsoo's door. Suddenly aware that she's looking bact at him, he gets up immediately- do not want to embarass himself and also get stamps as a creep.

"Uh, Kyungsoo isn't home."

He says with an awkward smile when the girl stops in front of him and stares at him- as she's observing him. Does he look like a weirdo, going around someone's residence when the owner isn't present? Ok it's not his fault Kyungsoo doesn't show up. 

"I know. Actually, Kyungsoo told me to come here. He said he doesn't think he will make it on time and sent me to replace him til he's back. So, hi! Jongin right? I'm Wendy." The girl who just introduces herself as Wendy, offers her hand with a bubbly smile.

Ah. He sent someone else instead. Does the upset feeling that invades his chest considered normal?

Jongin smiles back politely and reach for her hand. "Kim Jongin. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Wendy chuckles, bright and cloudless, "The pleasure is mine. Let's head inside."

And- right. She knew Kyungsoo's code. He should've expected it, I mean, if she doesn't, Kyungsoo wouldn't ask her to. But then it makes him wonder ; who's this girl? how close is he with Kyungsoo? The younger gulps, frustated about the noisy noise inside his head.

"What's your relationship with Kyungsoo?" and Jongin can't help but ask.

“I’m a friend of him." She answers without missing a beat, “We happened to be partnered in a project last year. Soon, we quickly found out I live _right_ under him. I know, it was hilarious. We were heading to the same place and were like _'what are you doing here?' 'no, what are YOU doing here?'_ I still laugh everytime I recall it," The girl with the bubbly laugh and bright eyes explain cheerfully, while Jongin observes carefully. And as he scans the other more, the more he realizes how attractive the girl actually is.

"Wait a minute, I'll make a drink for both of us. It probably won't turn out as good as Kyungsoo's but I'll try OK? In the meantime you can prepare the books."

And that's how Wendy is currently explaining about the perfect tense to Jongin with ice tea on both sides of individuals, half empty already. It's possibly only 30 minutes passed, but funny because Jongin thinks he already could tell a lot about her. She’s unbelievably kind- cheesy also, telling incredibly queasy jokes that makes him either laugh or cringe. To melt the ice probably.

Other than her queasy side, she is actually a very smart in english - or perharps because she's half caucasian.

Unlike Kyungsoo, Wendy is talk-active and dorky. Jongin can get along with her in no time.

"..and all of you just blow it away?" Jongin, half laughing when Wendy tell him one of the story of her project last year.

"Yeah! Can you believe it? The professor was pretty annoying so we don't really regret about what we have done. But that I think about, yeah we were so brave. _Too brave_ maybe, he could've failed us y'know?" Wendy snickers. And Jongin laughs,

" _Damn_ , I aspired to be as brave as all of you were."

Wendy shakes her head. "No, no. Don't copy that unless you want to get in trouble like us." She waves her hand before continue, "Kyungsoo wasn't very pleased either when he found out. He was _mad_ mad."

And Jongin's mind caught the last word more than he needed to.

"Kyungsoo was mad?"

"Trust me, you wouldn't like to witness it. Probably the only thing I regretted about the project is I made him upset. He was worried the professor would failed me. Sometimes he cares too much," Wendy shrugs, "and well.. I think that's cute." she adds, as she plays with her ice tea dreamily.

It's quiet.

Jongin doesn't know, but he doesn't like where this conversation is going. Wendy's last sentences taste bitter, even to his ear. And his ear doesn't have a taste bud.

"What about you?" The charming girl in front of him asks out of the blue, "honestly I always knew Kyungsoo would be a good teacher, but I wonder how is he in your opinion? Does he teach you well?"

And Jongin is caught up. How is he supposed to answer the question?

"He's.. great. Yeah. I wish I could have him as my school teacher. He really helps my study." Jongin smiles, formality only.

Wendy chortles to hear it. "No doubt," Then, "How about his appereance?"

as she leans in, seems particularly interested with the topic, "I just-- Look, some people thought he's average, old-fashioned, stoic, boring and stuff," she doesn't forget to rolls her eyes, "I don't know if you thought the same, but for me— he's lovely. _Stunning_ even _._ "

Jongin doesn't miss the giggles between the sentences and the dusty pink flourishing her cheeks.

Jongin dislike it. Very. He dislike the sight of Wendy's fond expression, painted on her face as he tells Jongin, almost whispering, " _It's so easy to fall in love with him._ "

Again, he should've expected it. 

"Oh god, did I talk too-" Wendy widens her eyes as she appear to just realizes what she said.

Jongin was about to wave and let out a forced smile telling her that ' _it's okay'_ , but both of them get distracted when the sound of the door get unlocked.

"Kyungsoo!" The girl with the delicate figure beams as she welcomes Kyungsoo in. And the man of the topic walks in with a gray hoodie and a black trousers, still looking good as ever. Or perharps he's just being biased.

Something in Kyungsoo's presence relax him, lifting up his mood in merely a few seconds. "Hi, hyung."

"Hi, to both of you," Kyungsoo finally says, breathlessly. Now that Jongin can see him more clearly, he can see how tired Kyungsoo is.

"Ah, Jongin, I'm so sorry I can't make it on time," Kyungsoo looks at him with an aplogetic look,

before turns his attention to Wendy, "I'm sorry to bother you too, Seungwan. I hope it wasn't too troublesome for you?" He sends Wendy the same aplogetic look, which earns a chuckle from Wendy.

"Hey, it's fine." She brings one of her hand up and wipe sweats out of the elder cheeks with the delicate tip of her fingers, formerly adds, "Jongin is a good kid. I think we might even just created a bond! Right, Jongin?" As she glances at Jongin. The younger can only smile, doesn't really know how to react.

Jongin shifts on his seat, feeling kind of uneasy, and try to make himself comfortable. 

When he looks up, he doesn't really know exactly what he's expected, _but_ Kyungsoo holding Wendy's hand on his cheek, shut his eyes close before opening it to stares at Wendy with those eyes, t _hose sincere eyes_ which Jongin _loves_ so much, as he mouthing 'thank you' to Wendy, definitely is not it. Jongin feels nausea. He kinda knew Kyugsoo probably treat everyone the same and he, obviously isn't special. But to witness it himself- he's sick.

As how much he hates it, it splashes right on his face as he remembers; Kyungsoo is possibly straight. He indeed, _likes girls._

No matter how hard he will try, he would lost against Wendy. He isn’t anything compatible compared to her. She has everything. Kyungsoo and her would fit each other perfectly. The elder probably doesn't even see him as a man. And in fact, if he did, it's not like he has his interest _in_ men.

"Has the session over yet?" Jongin snaps out of his thought when he hear Kyungsoo talk. "I'll take over here. Seungwan you can go home now, it's late. And thank you again in advance." The elder says again to her with a soft smile.

"You sure you don't want me to replace you til the time limit? I told you I'm fine with it." a slight concern can be seen through her expression. She really is like an open book. But Kyungsoo insist for Wendy to go home- to Jongin's relief.

"If your illness relapse because of me i'd never forgive myself."

"It's just a flu." Wendy mutters, also insisting.

"Seungwan."

And with only that. Strong and firm demand, which earns a defeated look from the other. She sighs before finally says good bye to both males.

"Fine. Kyungsoo, take a rest OK? I knew your schedules have been hectic recently. And Jongin, it was nice to meet you."

When he can hear the door closed and is locked, he can finally breathe. 

“Did she annoy the hell out of you?”

That caught the younger off guard. _Shit_. Did he sigh too loud?

“I apologize on her behalf. She really can be so noisy sometimes. She just likes to, _you know_ , talks.” Kyungsoo shrugs as he makes his way to sit right in front of him, right at the spot where Wendy just sat before she left.

“I can see that,” Jongin scoffs at him. “but no, she was actually a nice company.” 

He doesn’t fully lying though. He was actually enjoyed talking to her, until they reached the forbidden topic.

Kyungsoo smiles softly again, and Jongin thinks he still could turn into a mush because of it.

“Thank god, then.”

_What are you thanking for, Kyungsoo?_

“I heard you call her Seungwan, I thought her name is Wendy?” Jongin doesn’t know why he keeps bringing up the topic about the other girl, when his heart clearly dislikes it.

“Oh, it’s her korean name. It’s a legacy to call her by that name, she said.” Kyungsoo answers with a playful tone.

Oh. So you guys are _close_ close.

“Did she make these?” Kyungsoo points at the ice tea suddenly. Jongin nods.

Kyungsoo snickers before shaking his head,

“She isn’t allowed to consume cold drinks.” He sighs, “I really can’t let her go without a supervision.”

Jongin doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want to talk about Wendy. Seungwan. Or whatever her name is. There's an uncomfortable pain in his chest that he can't name why.

“Do you like her? She’s pretty cool.” Jongin asks, he just can’t stop himself.

Once again, Kyungsoo locks his gaze with him, proceeds his answer thoroughly. 

And the younger, tries his best to control his heartbeat under control. 

But, Kyungsoo just smile. He always do. Like the question is as easy as blinking both of his eyes, not knowing that for Jongin it feels like the judgement day.

“Of course, Jongin. She’s one of my best friend.”

And the younger doesn’t know how to proceed the answer. Did he just say of course? or was it a no? So he just let out an awkward laugh, hoping for the elder to not notice his weird behavior. And even if Kyungsoo notices it, he doesn’t say a word.

“Lets finish the review then, shall we?”

Jongin thinks it is impossible at how soothing and relaxing Kyungsoo’s voice is.

——

_you have one new message from Ksoo hyung_

**Ksoo hyung**

good afternoon Jongin. how was the final?

**Jongin**

it was hard....

hyung ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ

what do i do 

what if i failed?

**Ksoo hyung**

Jongin, it’s alright. you did ur best though, that’s enough.

**Jongin**

but i studied so hard for this... 

.

.

_incoming call from Ksoo hyung_

—

“I thought you said you didn’t want to go?” Junmyeon says, amusement in his tone.

The younger rolls his eyes. 

“Yes, I changed my mind. I just think there’ll be no harm for me to join the party.”

The elder hums, but Jongin can hear the amusement is still there. “You sure it’s not because you found out Kyungsoo gonna have his own solo stage there?”

Busted.

He avoids looking straight to Junmyeon’s eyes, concern his face gonna says the otherwise with all of this faint shade of red on his cheeks that start building up.

“No. what made you think that way?” Jongin denies, when he knew no one will ever listen to him anymore.

Junmyeon is silence for a second.  
“Just asking,” then adds “when we got there stick with me, OK? well, unless you want to get lost.”

And then there they are, Junmyeon’s university Christmas party.

he can say he’s pretty familiar with his brother uni already, but it still pretty foreign for him. so the entire time Junmyeon going for a brief convo, jumping in a small circle of group, high-fiveing with people, he just follows his brother behind like a duck following its mother. 

“Junmyeon, you finally here! and oh, let me guess, your brother, huh?”  
a boy, appeared out of nowhere- or perhaps he just doesn’t pay attention to the pink-haired, loud, and the short boy approaching them.

He can feel Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “Yes, Baekhyun, it’s him. Jongin, this is Baekhyun. maybe you remember him from all of the stories i’ve told you?” he quirks his eyebrows towards Jongin.

And he’s correct.

Baekhyun is one of the names that made it pretty often to Junmyeon’s story. According to his brother ; Baekhyun is funny, like to do dumb things, actually dumb, loud- or in short, pretty obnoxious. but nonetheless, actually a pretty nice company to have around.

So he nods.

“That Baekhyun who said ‘thirsty’ as ‘water hungry’ right?”

And it just flows from there. He can confirm the ‘obnoxiously a great accompany’ Baekhyun. He keeps talking, telling stories, make the groups laugh, no wonder a lot of people stick with him. Jongin himself finds himself laughing his ass off because of one silly act Baekhyun did.

Only between their conversation Baekhyun suddenly pauses his story, before beams a little excited, looking like a puppy, “Kyungsoo, over here!” as he waves.

Red flags.

He isn’t prepared for this.

But he turns to his back anyway, holding his breath for who knows why. They literally just met each in less than a week. Kyungsoo is a casual, so he should’ve expected when he sees him with a dark blue shirt and a black trousers. But he just can’t help himself when it seems with his hair pushed up, two buttons up unbuttoned, and the contrast between the dark outfits to his white milky skin, enough to make him looks much hotter.

He looks at their direction, smiling. Turns his head to say something to someone he is with— to be exact, Wendy. Which kills his mood for a sec, since it seems like it’s about to take long.

“I suspect you two knew each other right? I heard he’s been tutoring you,” Baekhyun elbows him with a teasing grin.

Jongin laughs awkwardly. How many of his brother’s friends knew about this information? 

Baekhyun then visibly glances at him, as he can hear they’re changing the background music into something more upbeat than before. “How do you think about him?” and he can tell you, throughout their conversation this all night long, this one is the most tense yet. He doesn’t know if it’s his mind making up things, but he sure as hell his dorkiness are all gone when he asks the question. 

He tries to laugh it off, but the man in front of him doesn’t move a muscle. Oh well.

It feels like for this one time, he wants a real answer, from a real question.

“I- uh..” 

His ears tinge pink. He doesn’t know what to say. All of the noises the party produce seems to unable to cover the thickness of silence between the two.

Baekhyun snorts then, looking like he’s finding it hilarious, saving both of them from the thickness of silence. “Sorry, just wanna make sure,” 

And his eyes caught Junmyeon visibly let a small laugh in the back.

Jongin furrows his eyebrows. He is left with only confusion. what is he missing out?

“What—“

“Hey,”

jesus christ.

Jongin turns too fast for his liking. Kyungsoo is right behind him, in flesh, with Wendy clinging beside him. “Jongin, We met again!” Wendy moves forward to pinch both of his cheeks. “You remember me right? Aw Junmyeon your lil bro is sooo cute!”

“Don’t praise him too much, you’ll boost his ego.” Junmyeon scoffs.

Jongin laughs at that, “I’m not you,”

And the elder makes a face, clearly disapprove of Jongin’s comeback.

“Oh, we can definitely assure you.” Baekhyun says, eyeing Junmyeon. “Talking about your brother.. hey Jongin, did you know—“ “Baekhyun, I swear to god—.” “—he got himself a girlfriend?”

His eyes widens. “what?!” and look at his brother in disbelief. He never told him anything??? Fine, he ever told him about him having an eye on someone but that’s it. 

“You did??”

Junmyeon just purses his lips and shrugs, “..Maybe?”

“Oh, maybe? You seemed to be so sure the other night.”

a small roar of ‘oooh’ could be heard as he follow his gaze to the source of the voice. A rich female voice he swears he’s kinda familiar with. And he gasps. Holy hell. 

He’s really gonna murder his brother after this.

“Bae Joohyun?!”

The said female chuckles lightly, “ Hi Jongin,” and it’s charming. The youngest of them all still can’t close his dropped jaw. Her beauty, her voice, Jesus, it’s really her. It’s either he’s about to murder his brother or— Sehun gonna murder him first before he can do anything about it.

Oh right, his brother.

“How come you never told me anything about dating someone? And not just anyone but Bae Joohyun to be precise??”

Junmyeon just cover his mouth as his eyes wander every where. And Joohyun doesn’t approve his action by how she eyes Junmyeon with her arms folded. “He has no balls to do it,” 

The elder reacts to that. “What?”

“Anyways the night is still young, see you all around, except for certain someone. Have fun!” Glamorously Joohyun waves at them, laughters are heard when the said female leaves after she eyes Junmyeon— with his eyebrows furrows and his mouth gap— one more time, and took no pity as she walks away.

“You gotta be kidding me— “

Is what Junmyeon’s last word before he runs after her.

Couples.

“Interesting, huh?”

Jongin snaps his head almost automatically, to find Kyungsoo sipping on his red cup right beside him. And there’s when he realizes it’s only two of them left. Wendy and Baekhyun seemingly so interested with Joohyun and Junmyeon’s process they follow them in no time.

The younger chuckles, “What? couples fighting? abso—“

“No, not that,” Kyungsoo waves with his free hand, his mouth framed a heart shaped lips that Jongin adores so much, and giggles, “Being in love with someone.”

And Jongin’s heart skips a beat.

He dares to look at Kyungsoo, and to see how fond Kyungsoo’s look right now.. really doesn’t help the buzz inside his pulse. He doesn’t know how respond to that, and he figures, he doesn’t have to. Because not long after, Kyungsoo laughs, mostly to himself, before continues, “I’m sorry. I’m talking like a prude, jeez.” shaking his head lightly.

Jongin wrinkles his eyes, nose scrunching, wheezing. “Not gonna lie that was pretty random.” The elder starts laughing too, and god, he swears he can listen to it for a whole day straight. ok maybe not so straight. 

He’s too busy savoring the view, how gorgeous Kyungsoo looks when he laughs, his lips formed a beautiful heart shaped lips, his nose and eyes scrunched, it’s so mesmerizing. He takes his time to memorize it, make sure he saves all of it in his memory. Too busy, that his brain almost misses out Kyungsoo’s laugh that slowly fading into a fond smile, and doesn’t even bother to hide the fact he’s clearly locking his gaze with Jongin. People are cheering right now, and Jongin couldn’t be any careless why. Not when he is with Kyungsoo, only two of them. 

“Have you ever been in one before?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really had fun writing flustered Jongin, lol.


	3. It’s All In Your Head

Mariah carey is singing in the background. the colorful lights flickers around here and there, blinding. a group of people laugh, some are encouraging the other invitees to dance with them. A guy spills his drink on a girl’s back, and the others are picking fight with the losers. 

He thinks he’s never been so hyperaware about his surroundings before.

Everyone is minding their own business. No one is staring at him except the man with the wonderful voice Jongin’s a big fan of, and it seems like it’s already too much of attention. His heart pounds loudly in his ears.

_Have you ever been in one before?_

In fact, he’s never been. It is his first. He doubts his feelings for Soojung in elementary school can counts as ‘love’, since it was absolutely nothing compared to what he is feeling right now.

that’s why Jongin ends up shaking his head lightly, smiling sheepishly. “I got no time for that,” he jokes.

And Kyungsoo hums at that, “is that so?” amusement vaguely stand out.

and fuck. it’s so alluring it’s insane. The younger can’t fight the urge to not drop his eyes to the main asset of the elder’s face, his plump lips— to see he darts out his tongue across it, tasting the remainder flavor of the beverage.

Jongin looks away, flushes unwillingly. While Kyungsoo-- he can't tell. the elder's looking at him, curiously, expression unreadable.

The atmosphere is odd. or heavy. or maybe Jongin just make up things. He can’t tell. 

“I heard your finals already started?” the elder be the one who speaks first. which Jongin is grateful for.

the younger sighs. “Yup. really, really a burden. i aced it though.” finishing with a light grin.

And the conversation flows. It’s like an unspoken game, neither of them aware of. Both parties unconsciously, willingly, play it for two. The stolen glances, the ambiguous talk with heavy paused as company, the sly grin. He can’t find himself stopping anytime soon. He feels warm all over his body.

“guess it’s my cue to go.”

Jongin blinks. “huh?”

“I volunteer to sing, remember?” as he puts his cup on the nearest table. oh right. the tall guy with nuzzled black hair and big ears who keep waving his hand back and forth beside the stage finally makes sense.

he watches as the other makes his way to the front stage, the other invitees hyping him up as he does so, some even chanting his name. huh, unpopular my ass. he scoffs to himself. Jongin shifts and try a better position to watch the performance, so he leans in to the nearest table Kyungsoo just put his red cup on. once the said male stand in front and adjusts his mic, the lights dims, and the crowd goes silent.

he waits nervously. the melody of the piano are heard, and Jongin recognizes the pianist is the same guy who called Kyungsoo to go to the stage before.

he’s too focused to that and when Kyungsoo finally sings, it hits. 

People around him cheers and shout, clearly feeling themseves, while Jongin freezes. his throat feels like it gets clog, and he’s left breathless. every inhale and exhale kyungsoo takes, every melody that comes out of that throat, his closed eyes as he drowns to the song. it’s so mesmerizing, giving goosebumps all over his skin. He really forgot witnessing something live could be very different compared to only listen to it through a recorder. He doesn’t understand what Kyungsoo’s singing, but that doesn’t matter, because with how he is singing it, it sure delivers.

he’s doomed. he can’t tear his gaze away.

“how was it?” almost breathless, Kyungsoo, who just finished the song, get back to his original place with Jongin. Everyone just cheers, shout, and whistle for him, and he goes straight to Jongin. It makes his heart flatters.

Jongin beams, replies with amazement still crystal clear in his eyes. “hyung, that was amazing.”

as usual, Kyungsoo just laughs and mutters a small thank you.

“what song was it? I think i never heard of it before.”

“For life, it’s the title of the song.” Oh, that’s must be what the breathtaking part in the end of the song with Kyungsoo’s heavenly runs.

“what is it about?”

The elder lift an eyebrow. “you don’t understand? and here i thought i taught you well.”

“NOO, that’s not it,” he quickly oppose the statement, whining a little. And the male in front laughs. He likes it. He does. It brings butterflies to his stomach. How many hours have passed? he doesn’t care, but this situation, this condition, is overwhelming. The feelings. He wants the feeling to remains forever.

he gets distracted though, when Kyungsoo whistles.

“someone is having the time of their life.” And Jongin puzzles for a sec, until he follows Kyungsoo’s eyes direction, and finds Junmyeon there between the crowds. definitely not alone. he has to be blind if he doesn’t notice Irene following from behind. It takes a few minutes til he eventually could proceed at the fact Junmyeon is leaving the event and IS basically ditching him, his younger brother, where he doesn’t know anyone but him, and has no clue how to get home by himself.

“huh, he must be tipsy.”  
He points out at how unstable Junmyeon’s look.

“I thought all of the beverages are alcohol-free?” at least he thinks. He means, it’s for public to enjoy, so the drinks must be PG13 too, isn’t? still quite can’t believe what did he just witness.

“yup, all of the beverages that served _here_.” as he makes sure to emphasize the word here.

Jongin hisses. That makes sense. where are they going? he’s supposed to stay over at Junmyeon’s tonight, but he assumes it’s not going to happen any time soon. “how are you gonna get home, Jongin?” he swears Kyungsoo can read minds.

“I.. will just use public transportation,” he shrugs. He has no idea, if he’s being honest. Following signs mustn’t be that difficult, but it’s nearly midnight, he doubts buses are still on service. plus he already said it before he’s gonna spend the night in his brother’s place, and he’s afraid that his parents might be already asleep and left all the doors locked.

The elder sigh. “You’re supposed to be with Junmyeon right? that dumbass.”

he gulps, his mind can’t make up a plan. “uh, that’s alright, I can go there by myself.” his words shakes a bit, he doesn’t trust his own voice. because no. he doesn’t know how to.

“his place seems pretty occupied to me.”

and they both left in silence.  
Jongin doesn’t really know how to feel with where the conversation is going.

  
no.

this is not happening.

“you can sleep on the bed, i’ll take the couch.” as Kyungsoo walking here and there, put his belongings on the tables, go straight to his room, opens his closet and take out an extra blanket. 

It’s 1 AM. Kyungsoo has insisted for Jongin to stay over at his place instead. He doesn’t have the heart to leave Jongin alone like a lost puppy, and if he’s taking Jongin home— to where, exactly? Kyungsoo also said he’d feel really guilty if he didn’t see Jongin gets home safely. 

it’s Saturday too, and it’s not like Kyungsoo’s place is new to him, and his parents with his (whipped) brother knew him well too, so the elder insisted there would be no harm for Jongin to spend a night there. well yes, but it’s not safe for Jongin’s heart state, hello?

“w-what?” just realizing what Kyungsoo said, “no, i came here uninvited, hyung, i’ll take the couch.”

“i can’t let my guest sleep on the couch, Jongin-ah,” he snickers, taking out a pair of pajamas. “here,” he hands it to Jongin, “change your clothes, you aren’t any bigger than me, so that’ll do.”

he takes it, nonetheless. “thank you— but hyung— i also can’t let you sleep on the couch either.” the latter knits his eyebrows, as he pulls the elder sleeves lightly to turn his focus solemnly on him.

it works, yes.

but Kyungsoo doesn’t move. he stays still, and Jongin starts to panick. he’s getting nervous with the lack of response, that he can feel his palms are starting to get sweaty, so he let go of his grip. and they stay still there for awhile. 

Its not long until the elder fixes his posture, rub his upper lip with the back of his hand, before dart his eyes back to meet Jongin’s, offers him a soft smile.

“then i guess, we should share the bed.”

the sound of showers are heard, echoing inside the bathroom, makes a dull sound of waters falling on a hard steel material from the outside. Kyungsoo’s showering. Jongin’s already lying on the bed— Kyungsoo’s bed, trying so hard to sleep. The college student’s bed isn’t big, but not small either, almost reaching a queen sized bed if he judges himself. He already cleans first, and he also made sure he left enough part of the bed for Kyungsoo to sleep on.

But he just can’t help but.. awake.

How he is not? His whole surroundings— including himself, smells like Kyungsoo. It distracts him like hell. who wouldn’t react the same if they were put in Jongin’s shoe, sleeping (literally sleeping) with the guy he has been keeping an eye on, without any warning. impromptu. Without even a proper ‘shoot your shot’ thingy. Just life pitying a hopeless, poor boy, it seems. He curls tighter inside the comforter. it's warm.

This whole overflowing emotion he is feeling, even when he knew for Kyungsoo this is only one of the ‘helping a brother out’ situation. the sense inside his head yelling in the back, echoing numbly within his skull. the conflicts between his heart and mind, which currently is having a complete opposite thoughts, giving him a headache. His stomach tightens.

However, like an alarm, all of them above immediately get shut off when he hears the showers get turned off.

the background noises of fabrics filling the empty room. Once the bathroom doors get unlocked, he holds his breath. He could hear the sound of the other dull footsteps against the wooden bed room floor. here, there, here again. as it rhymes with his heartbeat. he waits still. the way his back facing the other part of the bed is definitely on purpose.

but the sound of the nightstand being opened almost make Jongin jolts. hell, his face directly facing the exact nightstand. this is ridiculous, he shouldn’t get cold sweat for pretending to be asleep, it isn’t a crime. but his body surely reacts like it is.

It’s quiet, in an unsettling way.

what? what is he doing? what takes him so long? beats by beats passed, makes him wonders, did he miss the part where Kyungsoo closed the nightstand and walk around the bed? he starts to breath evenly again. he let go of the frowns he never realizes he even formed. he sighs softly. is he really that stressed out? embarrassing. 

a light touch on his cheeks though, which he assumes the elder’s palm, lay comfortably on his cheeks, proving his thought is an absolute bullshit.

it’s startling him, switching the alarm on on his mind again, sirens dully blaring in his head.

It sends spark to his skin, and internally, he can feel himself stop breathing. the way Kyungsoo holds his face, gentle, too gentle. like if he put more pressure into his palm, Jongin’s face will fall apart. 

he caresses the ‘sleeping’ boy’s cheekbones with his thumb, soft, gentle, yet firm.

Jongin tries so hard to control his breath.

“what’s wrong, baby?” 

he hears Kyungsoo murmurs between their breath, voice isn’t any louder than a whisper. he can feels his warm breath ghosting, fresh, he can smell toothpaste. anything to distract him for the sudden pet name. the pet name. the pet name alone manages to set his whole face on fire. anything to distract him from his heart who is slamming against his rib at this point. anything so he can trying so hard not to escape a whimper. after a painful minutes of caress on his cheeks that spark lights in his inside, Kyungsoo shifts his hand, clicking his tongue,

“God, you’re so _gorgeous_.”

a whisper again. a hand makes it to his fringe, the tip of his fingers carefully carding the fallen strands of hair aside, only for it to fall again because of gravity. Jongin stays silent— he adds it to his new personal record— sensitivity rising on the surface. warm.

the ticks slowly goes by. painfully so. until Kyungsoo removes his hand and gets up, eventually. he can hear the elder let out a long breath too. more footsteps, and the bed dips, the comforter rustles. now he knew, can confirm, Kyungsoo has lie comfortably beside him. 

Jongin sleeps with his heart in his ear that night.

  
\---

  
“..Once again, I’m so sorry and thank you Kyungsoo. Geez, It was so stupid of me.” Junmyeon, in the driver seat, offers him the nth apologetic look. The said man with the owl eyes laughs, amused. “I told you i’m fine with it. He’s the one who you should you apologize to.” he points at the sulking boy in the passenger seat. Jongin pouts. He doesn’t want to look at Junmyeon. His idiotic, dumbass, whipped, brother.

Junmyeon only look at him shortly, before turning his attention back to Kyungsoo. “definitely will do. thanks again Kyungsoo, hope he wasn’t being a bother.” can they just go already? he’s not in the mood for this chit chat his brother is putting himself in. 

lucky for him Junmyeon elbows him not long after, “where’s your manners? say thank you and goodbye,”

and Jongin does as he told, with a sheepish smile.

the ride home is quiet, well, not so quiet.

“I can’t believe you ditch me. what the fuck should i do if Kyungsoo hyung wasn’t there?”

the driver sighs, “I told you millionth times already. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“what you did last night was pretty straight to me.”

he rolls his eyes. “thank god Kyungsoo was there, isn’t? you can’t keep blaming me if you enjoyed last night as well.”

Jongin’s entire body heats up, the whole scene of the entire night flashes before his eyes. but it’s not like he’s gonna admit it. He turns his attention fully to the driver seat, making a face. “what did I enjoy, exactly? being a burden at someone else’s residence because my brother is busy getting laid? i can’t believe this.”

Junmyeon purses his lips into a thin line, eyes focused on the road in front, murmurs a vague “i know you enjoyed it.” and Jongin doesn’t respond. looking over the window as if he didn’t hear Junmyeon. no one talks again after that.

holidays have come, and even day after das has passed, there’s one thing that will never leave Jongin’s mind, keeping him occupied from his surroundings.

baby.

he’s lying if he says it doesn’t affect him. and truthfully, very.

he’s gonna jerk off almost every nights to it, his mind wandering everywhere, and one thing will always present.

_yes baby,_

_you’re doing so good_

_god, you’re so gorgeous_

it’s more than enough to bring Jongin over the edge, wrist senseless, experiencing riding on his high. sometimes he play the recorded voice of Kyungsoo’s singing too. not much. he’s only gonna turn it on, let it lie on the bed right beside his ear, volume loud enough to be heard, and touch himself. 

it’s been at least two weeks after their last encounter and haven’t met face to face again after since.

his english final result has come out as well. he gets an B+, and it’s not like it’s unexpected at how many Cs and Ds he gets this semester. but he’s still excited. or perhaps he just make up a reason to. but he’s here, in front of Kyungsoo’s place. it’s cold outside, snowing, windy. so he rings the bells. because he wants to thank Kyungsoo for all of his help, thank him for helping him passing his class. And definitely not because he wants to see him.

He does expect Kyungsoo to be not present. heck, it’s christmas. thank you to Baekhyun’s update though, he knew Kyungsoo is having a christmas party with his closest friends at the guy’s place named Chanyeol. and by Baekhyun’s insta story too, he knows the party is over. it’s nine past thirty. in PM. when he rethinks it again, this might be a bad idea. he could’ve already asleep. or doesn’t directly went home. shame starts bubbling up inside him, feeling incredibly stupid, and a little bit of whipped. even if he does present what would he thinks? Jongin would be such a bother. god, he should’ve never followed his gut.

he does expect a lot of things.

like he expects Kyungsoo to be isn’t home, he expects perhaps Wendy would be the one who welcomes him, and so on.

he might’ve expected the door to get unlocked too, and he might also have expected to see Kyungsoo, obviously. 

but he doesn’t expect to see the elder with damp, messy hair, eyes hooded, keen, only have a black tank top on, body glistening with sweat.

he clearly doesn’t expect to find the elder reeks smell of alcohol and cigarettes.

he also doesn’t expect the elder to pull him inside by the wrist and close the door behind without missing a beat.

he, obviously, clearly, doesn’t expect the elder to push him immediately against the nearest wall, putting him in place.

he, indeed, doesn’t expect, and has no time to be surprised as Kyungsoo attach their lips together in a pace.

Jongin mewls. Their lips mold together perfectly, it fits perfectly. he indeed, tries to push the elder back, but the man in charge have different option in his mind as he grab both of his wrists and pinning it against the walls beside his head, and deepen the kiss. and he whines. he's trapped. he can’t fight back. he can't fight back when the kiss shutting off all of his senses, his awareness, his sanity. not when this is what he has been waiting for. this moment. not when he can feel how soft and tender the other lips is. how good it is to have it against his.

but. he also could taste bitter favor of alcohol lingers on his taste bud. 

it’s wrong. the heart in the back of his mind dully blaring, sirens echoing within his skull. Kyungsoo is drunk. He is currently not in his right mind and they should stop.

they should.

but he doesn’t want to.

it’s wrong, it’s wrong but it feels so right. it feels so right to feel this good. he feels good. every panics and anxious he feel beforehand short-circuiting his brain.

the hand that once on his wrist travel up to his cheeks. demanding hand holding his face in place, tilting his head in a way Kyungsoo wants to. 

his whole cheek is burning. his head, his mind, it’s foggy.

Jongin grips hardly on Kyungsoo’s biceps as he parts his lips, letting the other’s tongue wander inside his mouth. Kyungsoo let out a soft grunts, dipping in immediately. Jongin’s toes curl at how Kyungsoo assault his taste bud. sucking, nipping, mixing salivas, that it starts dripping out in the corner of Jongin’s mouth. Jongin does try to kiss back, but Kyungsoo set a pace the younger can’t catch up, and eventually just give in and let the man in front devour him.

He squeezes his eyes shut, savoring the feeling. he almost doesn’t recognize his own moan that come out from the back of his throat.

Kyungsoo manages to sneak a leg between his parted legs, still eating Jongin’s face like he is his last meal, nudging at Jongin’s now growing erection, earning the younger a sharp gasp. “hyung,” pure instinct.

and like a bucket of cold water splash hard across his face— Kyungsoo stops.

and then a groan. “fuck,” he hears.

so close to immediately, all of the physical contact has gone, almost too fast for his liking. the elder seemingly to be get struck by his sense for a mere seconds, stepping back a few steps.

“ _shit_ — Jongin, i’m so sorry— I was, i didn’t intend to— fuck,”

thrown off because of the abrupt stop of motion, Jongin catches his breath, and open his eyes slowly. panics rising the time he hears the elder swears.

the view in front of him is, upsetting, unpleasant enough he thinks he can hears his heart break a little. Kyungsoo wipes his entire face with both hands. he looks, angry, upset, no, ashamed. he can’t stay still, his feet walking back and forth with no path.

Jongin is watching, not moving a muscle from his previous place. body heaving, his heart drop seeing the others hard rejection in front. he can’t manage a word, anxiety back drowning him in place. even swallowing feels like a hard task.

he sees as Kyungsoo squeezes his eyes shut, pinch the bridge of his nose. another low groan escape his mouth, “I, i didn’t mean to do that,” face contorts anything but regret.

while the elder keep wandering his gaze everywhere, avoiding Jongin’s, the younger himself is numb. he doesn’t know how to act. Suddenly feeling like a dumbass, and idiotic, who should’ve stopped the action before it gets any further. guilty thick in his throat at the thoughts Kyungsoo probably doesn’t want any of it with him. that all of his actions earlier were all alcohol talking.

so he drops his eyes then, doesn’t dare to face the elder in the face. he can’t breathe. the air is heavy, the unpleasant event is too suffocating for his lungs. he can’t move his body. he can’t speak back. he can’t stand for himself. he’s useless.

Kyungsoo intakes another sharp of breath, and his “can you— i’m sorry, very, but— Jongin, can you please leave?” is his last straw to leave the place for good without looking back. leaving his shattered pieces of his feelings behind.

\---

the sun in the morning shine brightly, and it’s warm. a comfortable warm on his skin. cold, fresh air hitting on his face in the best way possible. a sigh escape his lips. it’s very refreshing.

it feels like a blink of an eye, because apparently holidays, christmas, new year, all of it are over, and school already starts again. 

Jongin doesn’t dislike it, instead he finds himself enjoying it.  
January is his month. not to mention in also a few days, he’s gonna turn eighteen, which is, a maturing age.

“look who’s coming!”

a familiar arm thrown around his shoulder, pulling him hard enough against the other man chest. and he would be bulshitting if he says he doesn’t recognize who is it by seconds. “jesus, it’s literally the first day of school, chill out a bit.” as he laughs together along with Sehun, getting out of the younger’s locked arm.

“my actions aren’t based on place and time, Jongin,” he chuckles, which receives a snarls from the elder from both of them, “that’d explain why you are such a dumbass.” 

“i’m the dumbass?” he scoffs, “everyone knows you’re the dumbass one.”

Jongin rolls his eyes, mocking, “wow, did the scientist told you that themselves?” they’ve reached their class now. it’s the same old routine, Jongin take his usual place at the second row, and Sehun on his left.

he just about to move to his side to get back to his conversation with Sehun, though, someone gets his attention.

“Jongdae,” he offers the man in front a smile as he sees the latter approaches him. “what’s up?”

The said man smiles back, and it really reminds him of a cat. kitten. you get what he means. he’s in front of Jongin’s table currently, hands in his pocket.

“nothing much,”  
the smile is still there, the edge of his lips lifts like he’s amused. “but did your brother goes to MYU?”

Jongin blinks. “yes? I don’t see why it is relevant.”

Jongdae let out a small ‘ooh’, the continues to filling Jongin up. “that would explain your present yesterday at MYU’s christmas party.” he delivers the information very lightly, like it’s a piece of knowledge which Jongin should’ve felt funny to hear it. but it doesn’t. “wait, you were there too?”

“Yup, my brother went to MYU as well so he invited me.”

He feels his heartbeat starts pounding faster than it supposedly.

“And, and you saw me?”  
as he gestures to point to himself. Sehun also seemingly listening carefully, interested.

And Jongdae snickers, like all of these are hilarious, entertaining. “Of course I saw you! if not i wouldn’t be here right now wouldn’t i? i was surprised to see you there, I was about to approach you and say hi, but you‘re too occupied with Kyungsoo, so i refrained.”

His heart drops. hH didn’t, he didn’t just mention Kyungsoo right? it rising up pains and bitteness deep inside him, that's he's been trying to bury these past few days. it stings.

Sehun, isn’t aware with the situation himself, flinches. Jongin hasn’t told him about this, so by his widens eyes he knew it’s also such an information for him.

It's not like he doesn't want to talk it out with Sehun, but-- he just avoid that certain topic purposely. That night, the exact night right after his incident with alcohol-Kyungsoo, right after he told him to leave, right after he arrived home, Jongin stained his bedroom floor with his tears. It runs from his floody eyes, running down his cheeks, mouth. He remembers how he choked on the air. His head hung low, heavy with thoughts of him, the world, and Do Kyungsoo. Which seemingly built himself a new state where he could seek happiness, yet tears it apart himself. 

The devastation was absolute, He was torn apart. 

It felt like concrete drying in his chest. -- Andit left mark for days. On Holidays, Christmas, New Year. Everytime he recalls it, like clicking a short-cut, tears would be threatened to fall as soon as the words sting his mind.

And today isn't an exception.

“You know Kyungsoo?” he replies without missing a beat, ignoring his insides are in agony, tries to act like that sentence alone don't throws him off guard. And Jongdae raises one of his eyebrows, half chuckling like Jongin’s question is an absolute joke. “who doesn’t? Jongin, he’s the best in his major! how do you think he’s managed to stood on the stage, in front of everyone that night?”

And Jongin goes dead silence, a quick flash about the night coming to him and it makes sense. volunteering? he deadpans. he's so dumb. it hits him like a car crash how he's practically don't know anything about the said male.

"how did you know?" Sehun asks instead, knowing Jongin won't.

"my brother is in the same major as him." he shrugs. "oh, and anyways, remind me of something," he turns his attention back to Jongin. "how are you so close with him?"

"close?" he answers, getting his mind together again, "no, we aren't." he answers with a shattered throat. although he's glad it goes unnoticed. they talk, but they talk with everyone else too. it doesn't count.

And once again, Jongdae rolls his eyes, like Jongin is fooling around.

How are everyone knew Kyungsoo better than him? 

"We aren't blind. Kyungsoo maybe isn't a social butterfly, but he interacts with everyone. But that night," Jongdae lowers his voice, cautious,

"He spent hia _entire night_ with you," he points Jongin an accusation finger, emphasize the word as he makes sure Jongin gets his point. "Also, i saw you go back together with him. Not gonna lie, I was shocked." he chuckles lightly, "If there's something he dislikes the most, he hates if someone he's not close with stepping in his personal space. you can't be stranger to him if he treats you like that." He says, ascertain to make eye contacts with him, or maybe Jongin just imagining things to go align with how he wants it to go.

His heart beats. Beats by beats. It makes him uneasy how he can hears it in his ear.

"Jongin, I think he's attracted to you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's done! This part is probably my favorite and I really hope I gave it justice. Good day, everyone <3


	4. Just Like Butterflies Touches

_"Jongin, I think he's attracted to you."_

  
Jongin thinks he was laughing his ass off internally when Jongdae really had the audacity to tell him that.

He was thinking how he wishes it was true.

He was reflecting how the statement is so foolish, that he's being ludicrous.

How Jongdae probably pity him.

He stops reading into things too much.

So when Jongin gets the notification of Kyungsoo’s call this very morning, he doesn’t freak out. well, he tries not to freak out.

Though, he ends up not answering the call nonetheless. 

He’s not a scaredy-cats, no. the timing just isn’t right. the flashback of regrets painting Kyungsoo’s face that night definitely doesn’t makes him feel jittery and nauseous all over again every time he remembers the said person.

He goes to Sehun’s house almost everyday now, playing video games together. it’s not his fault it’s his way to coping. Sehun never asks further as well about what happened the other night after the uni’s christmas party too. He knows how to not over stepping the line and he’s grateful for it, because he never wants to discuss the incident ever again.

  
And today after school, he’s not skipping his new routine with Sehun.

  
“No, bring me the kit- _the kit!_ argh,” The younger among them tosses his back onto the bed as his character is shoot dead and the revives time limit has ended. He groans and throws Jongin a pillow, “you’re slow as fuck,”

“Oh yeah?” Jongin retorts, “I’m not the first one to die, though?” as he throws the pillow back a little harder, still focusing to the screen.

“Yeah, maybe if you cover me,”

“Don’t talk to me while I’m playing,”

Sehun makes a face, “Either I talk with you or not you’ll be dead soon anyways,”

“We’ll see about that—“ he grins. There are only six person left in the game, one of is his group is still alive, makes it five enemies left. He only needs to kill five more people.

But maybe the universe is siding with Sehun, because his phone screen is replaced with a notification call, with the alphabet formed a nice word read ‘Kyungsoo hyung’, crystal clear for anyone to read. Even from Sehun’s distance, seemingly.

“Is that Kyungsoo?” Interest peeking in his tone, “Why aren’t you picking up?”

Right, why isn’t he picking up? 

No, _why_ is Kyungsoo calling?

He’s nervous as fuck. His pulse is buzzing, in an unpleasant way, at the thought of how could possibly Kyungsoo wants to talk about with him. And Sehun’s annoying voice in the background doesn’t help at all, as the bed dips beside him, knows the younger probably has moved to see it more clearly. It doesn’t help. instead probably, makes him even more cautious.

“Oh my god, _i can’t_ —, you pick up!”

Badly- he throws his phone at the younger’s direction, takes the other by surprise.

“ _What the f_ — , what do i do with this?!”

“I don’t know- you tell me!”

“Answer it?”

“What?! No—! just, turn that shit off!”

And after the ringtone call of Jongin’s phone is no longer heard, both of them goes dead silence. Mayhaps Sehun doesn’t see it coming, by his frowns eyebrows, staring at him in disbelief, that he doesn’t even mock Jongin for his dead as what it seems from his phone screen.

“What?” Jongin says like he isn’t just act ridiculous five seconds ago.

“What- Don’t what me, I what you!”

This time it’s Jongin‘s turns to tosses his back, covering his face with both hands while groaning.

“Seriously, what the fuck was that?”  
Sehun stammers again, like he won’t let this down for Jongin sooner nor later.

“I don’t know-“ He winces. “can we just act like it didn’t happen?” not really a question, but he’s not the one to talk apparently. Without warning Sehun punches his upper arm, furrows still printed out on his face.

“What?” Jongin, having the audacity to furrows as well now, imitating the other as he rubs the spot the younger has punched. And meeting several punches on his upper arm instead as his reply instead. “Ouch, ow, Oh Sehun the fuck you think you’re doing?!” 

“Hitting senses out of you,” he replies calmly as it’s a usual best friend thingy that shouldn’t have made Jongin annoyed. Nonetheless, he stops, leaving Jongin in defense mode. A sigh escape the younger’s lips, annoyance vaguely companying his words. “I’m not even Kyungsoo and I can feel how tired he must be feeling. What are you being so hard for?”

“I’m not,” Jongin scoffs dryly, and that’s probably isn’t the right answer, looking at what Jongin’s position is inside the situation they are in. And Sehun’s disapproving looks, mostly. Jongin is an hopeless case. 

Sehun clicks his tongue, undoubtedly out of words.

“Then prove it.”

  
—

  
He hates it when he knew that perhaps, Sehun was right.

Kyungsoo texts, which Jongin has been ghosting ever since he received those. But it doesn’t mean he’s not curious at what could possibly he wants to talk about exactly. All of the texts are only worded ‘Jongin’, ‘sorry,’ ‘Answer the call’, ‘I wanna talk,’ which intrigues him til no end.

So he muted his phone. He still can’t quite settle his uneasiness, his nauseous towards the said man. 

It’s late when he arrived home, but not too late to still have the chance to encounter his brother, sitting in the living room. 

“Where were you?”

“Sehun’s, nothing special,” He replies nonchalantly. “Why are you here? My birthday is still like, three days ahead,” as he walks pass him, and take a seat on the couch beside Junmyeon’s.

He’s joking, for sure. He can visit home anytime he wants to with no reasons needed. 

Junmyeon scoffs. “Someone is confident, huh?” then, “No, I’m not here for your birthday,”

“Excuse me?” Junmyeon’s answer is hanging in the air, and he is puzzled. He is the only person in their family who was born in January.

“I’m here for Kyungsoo’s.”

He doesn’t really know what he’s expecting, but that’s totally not it. He dislikes how his mind, his veins automatically feel numb hearing the last few words. Half of him mad at how it excites his mind how apparently, Kyungsoo and him have a close birth date. 

And realizing Junmyeon is staring directly to his eyes, trying to read what’s inside his mind, isn’t making it any easier.

“I heard you’ve been ignoring his calls and texts,” concerned tinge in the edge of his tone. “He wants you to go with me tomorrow, he invited you.”

Oh. So that’s the reasons why.   
Despite his new piece of acknowledgement, it doesn’t make the atmosphere suddenly feels less weird for his lungs, on top of his skin. Because he doesn’t know how much information Kyungsoo has filled to Junmyeon. 

He swallows, considering the pretty pleasant invitation. He weighs the option carefully. Does he want to go? yes. It excites his insides. Does he still have the heavy weight of embarrassment and an half unabashed pride? Well.

Jongin takes a breath. “I’m not going,” 

And perhaps, this is the first time his voice come out shaking.

—

It’s Sunday, it’s 12th January. It’s Kyungsoo’s birthday.

He’s lying on his bed, scrolling his instagram with his thumb nonchalantly. Junmyeon has insisted for him to go, desperately. But Jongin is stubborn as a goddamn rock for God knows why. He glances, and 7PM could be seen on the top center of his phone. 

He doesn’t have the intentions to, but the back of his mind has it own brains, and that would explain why he’s ended up with Baekhyun’s instagram page on his screen. Because this is might be the only way he could catch up with the other without jittery creeping up on his skin.

A brief sharp of regret is bitter in his chest as he witness the posted video of the elder male, laughing, eyes wrinkled and nose scrunching. Playfully rolls his eyes while snarling at Baekhyun’s camera with Baekhyun’s laughter being the background noise of the said scene. It looks fun.

The bitter in his chest tightens. He could’ve witnessed this live.

He admits on that very day, that maybe, maybe he’s a coward.

  
—

  
Monday passes by.

He doesn’t go to Sehun’s today.

Not having any reasons in particular, it just feels dull, somehow.

Both of his parents are working, so at this hour his house is completely empty. Which he won’t complain about. It’s his hour. Once he is home he throws himself onto the bed, certainly tired, mentally nor physically. Hell, he doesn’t even do some tiring shit today, and yet he feels like all of his energy is drained out.

He is currently watching husky’s ASMR videos when he gets Junmyeon’s message. Huskies are adorable don’t judge him.

_you home?_

He can’t care why it is relevant.  
 _Yeah, just arrived._

After like, five of dogs videos, he could hear his doorbell rang. He groans as he stretches his body, stiff of keeping in the same position for too long than it’s needed. Is it Junmyeon? He needs to go downstairs to open the door and stuff, and he is certainly, is too lazy to do so.

“Comin’ comin’,” He says lazily even though he’s aware the person can’t hear him from here, dragging his limbs to get out of the bed.

He knew he should’ve peeked through who is the person behind the door. He doesn’t know why is he so confident towards his assumptions at how it possibly could. But once again, would it change anything?

Like a bizarre deja vú splashes after him, Jongin is unwillingly captivated by every single of Kyungsoo’s features, all over again. Sparks simmering on his face, reaching his ear, throat. Lump on his lungs make it hard to breath. It feels familiar, yet new. Only but this time, Jongin is the one who’s holding the door handle.

Kyungsoo is standing there. In flesh. Chest panting lightly, sweat undiscovered, if only Jongin wasn’t paying attention too much.

“Hyung,”  
He breaths out subconsciously, still unconditionally freezes in place, the wires on his brain aren’t connected.

“Jongin,”  
Kyungsoo mirrors. But the smile is there, the soft smile that always weakens his gut. His hands are in his pocket. Features fidgety, almost aphatically. 

“You didn’t come yesterday,” neutrality hinted in the edge of his words, like he wants to make sure and assure Jongin that it’s okay, that’s it’s pure a statement. 

Jongin plays with his fingers. It calms him down a bit. “Yeah.. I didn’t,” avoiding Kyungsoo’s gaze.

Kyungsoo low hums at that, and it triggers something inside Jongin, reminding him harshly how he likes it, how pleasant it is for him.

Kyungsoo tilts his head, his smile has less softened as his gaze sharpens. “Lets search something to eat,” Firms replacing it without it being too obvious. But that’s how he knows the elder isn’t asking, but stating. 

So he obeys.

Finally meeting Kyungsoo after their last encounter, it’s nothing like he has expected. Presumably, he’s very bad at assuming. Instead of the embarrassment and the thought at how his wounded feelings would be risen up and worsen the situation, it’s completely running the otherwise.

Timidly he sets himself on the passenger seat. Is he still feel a bit ashamed and awkward? Yes. But to no one’s surprise, the elder’s action takes care of it too well, that the pain eases. Evaporates. Even if only a little bit, makes him comfortable enough around the other. Too comfortable, even.

Eventually they pull up at the café near Jongin’s house. The café is convenient. The interior and the main theme of the café is warm vintage, perfectly match with the coffee and the baked breads that smells very delicious, which resulted a delightful feelings as he enters. 

They don’t waste a lot of time ordering, chicken mozzarella and some pastries for Jongin. All are on Kyungsoo, the elder insists. They’re taking a seat not far from the wide range of the coffee interior and the large windows aside.

Must he adds, the evening view is also very pleasing. 

Which makes him realizes something. 

“I thought your monday class finishes late?”

And Kyungsoo let out a hearty laughs. “You just ask about it now?” and like it is his second nature, he forms that knowing smile back, as his eyes trained into his. Like he knows what that smile does to Jongin.

“Lets just say I have my priorities sorted.”

he knew his entire face flushes unwillingly. He knew something in his chest swell affectionately. And he thinks, it’s probably too addicting for him. 

“Happy birthday, Jongin-ah.”

Kyungsoo says softly, as his eyes still gazing into his. That bright, sincere eyes that could always manage to melt his insides. 

  
_Jongin, I think he’s attracted to you._

  
He dares to look back at the elder’s eyes, as he perceives the warmth that’s he’s adored so much blooms within him. It’s suffocating at how he worships the feeling he’s feeling everytime Kyungsoo is near. It’s comforting, pleasing.

The edges of his lips lift, reaching his cheekbones softly. How could he forget about this?

“Yah, if we’re celebrating my birthday I should be the one who paid,” He says jokingly, and very satisfied to receive the other amused laughs as the reply. “Nope, and that’s an order.”

The younger’s bright cheekbones prominent as he giggles. And when he stops, his ear-to-ear smile isn’t gone. His eyelashes flickers, like he’s timid. Almost coyly.

“Happy birthday to you too, Kyungsoo hyung.”

He wishes the café’s lights are dim enough to hide his flaming cheeks.

—

“I’m sorry,”

The younger flinches slightly, as he staring at the road he could see through the car window beside him. Fingers fidgets with his seatbelt.

They’re done eating, the task of their purpose is finished, which means it’s time for Jongin to go home. Before it gets any late, Kyungsoo reasons.  
He kinda have ideas what the thing is in Kyungsoo’s mind, but stays lucent in a way possible, “For what?”

From the edge of his eyes, he could see the elder is tapping his finger slightly against the steering wheel, almost like he’s agitated. “About the other night,” he clears his throat, “I was drunk, out of my mind. But I still wouldn’t justify my actions.. the damage has been done. Jongin, I deeply apologized. I just, if didn’t recognize you that night— I couldn’t even think what the worst thing that could’ve happened,”

Genuine, worry, and regrets mixing in his tone, printed out in his face.

And Jongin feels a lenient knot tautens in his gut. 

The question stammers back at himself; what the worst that could’ve happened? They’d sleep together? Does Kyungsoo have to shove it down on his throat about how he doesn’t want him in bed? Things were going so well then, but he really has to bring this up, dropping all of the blossoms flowers in his stomach. 

Maybe it’s the lack of response Jongin give, or maybe Kyungsoo is just sensitive.

“I understand if you’re still mad at me.”

“I’m not,”  
Jongin replies almost immediately, without missing a beat. Almost inaudible, if only it’s not so quiet inside the moving car.

Kyungsoo spares the younger a glance, “You’re avoiding me.” voice softens.

Jongin chews his lips, debating at the sentence on the tip of his tongue. Kyungsoo’s tilt his hand on the steering wheel, the beeping sounds as the car turns right filling their agonizing silence. They’ll reach Jongin’s house within mins, and Jongin’s heart is pounding numbly inside his ribcage.

“What if you weren’t drunk?”

He can’t help himself. It seems like it catches Kyungsoo’s full attention as he looks at Jongin now, confused. Lips parted as wants to oppose something, but he beats him to it. “What if you weren’t drunk, would you still do the same as you did to me that day?” In one breath.

“Jongin, listen, I’m not trying to—“

“Just, answer it.”

Jongin keep his eyes focused to the seatbelt on top of his right shoulder, embarrassed because he knew he’s being ridiculous right now. This is something that shouldn’t be a competition, have someone drunk jumps you isn’t something to be proud of. But he can muse it later since his house is about one more turn, and go big or go home, right?

He steals a glance, peering between his lashes, as Kyungsoo cards his hair with his one hand exasperatedly. His other hand grips tightly against the steering wheel, manage to have his eyes glued to the road in front. He’s probably imagining things, but he can vaguely see the elder’s ear starts to tinge red, flushed, and it gradually soothe his burning embarrassment at his desperate questions. That perhaps, it also affected the elder.

When Kyungsoo finally speaks, it sounds like he’s deep in absolute distraught— yet collected. Almost unnoticeable, but Jongin knew better. Kyungsoo’s typical that he very lauds, the maturity that would always enervates him.

  
“I’d never do it without your consent,”

  
And Jongin’s house is right there, is in sight for both of them to see. Kyungsoo’s gears are obtrusive as he pull up, right in front of his gate’s house. He doesn’t pay attention to it before, but the sky has gone way darker compared to it where he just left the house. Is the air is always this strained?

Because as he looks up to see Kyungsoo, their eyes met. And it’s so hard to breathe. It’s torturing. That’s what Kyungsoo always do. Steal his breath away.

“You always have my consent,” He says breathlessly.

He blinks rapidly as he let go of his seatbelt, clears his throat subtly. 

“Good evening, hyung,”

And as he walk out of the car, towards his front gates, he can’t even tell if the burning pair of gazes he feels behind his back is real, or he’s just used to feel surreal things.

—

No matter how many people congratulates him for his birthday, no matter how many people hands him cute gifts and chocolates for his birthday, the surprise birthday dinner he had yesterday— stays unbotheredly on top of his heart.

He’s eighteen now, which means he’s at the age when people start to not give a fuck towards birthdays, and newsflash, in fact, he does not give a fuck. Thank God if people want to congratulate him, and fine if they don’t wanna. However, though, it seems it doesn’t apply if it’s involved the man he just met yesterday. Since when he turns to be this greedy? He doesn’t know why every time his notifications pop off he gets disappointed to see it’s not who-he-wishes it was. He doesn’t know why when he sees all of through his birthday gifts, he’s still hopeful to see one written with that particular name that starts with K. 

Jongin taps his feet anxiously onto the ground, his chest tightens at the thought. He shouldn’t be this needy for attention, for fuck’s sake.

  
Because deep down he’s kind of aware, that he shouldn’t get this frantic when Kyungsoo texts him.

He isn’t supposed to get thrills under his skin when Kyungsoo asks, and somehow ends up having a late night call with the elder. 

  
His gentle, velvety voice, isn’t supposed to drive him crazy like it isn’t already. 

  
He snuggles more comfortably inside the comforter, eyes flickering out of the dim lights of his bedroom, almost can’t fight the heavy lids of his eyes. somehow hasn’t stumbled on himself yet. Maybe Kyungsoo is indeed sensitive, noticing Jongin who’s starting to doze off.

“ _you’re sleepy._ ”

“No,” Jongin breaths in through his nose. His eyes flutter shut, giving up, mind focusing to the end of the line. “‘M wide’ awake,”

He still can comprehend the amused laugh the elder let out, soft, and almost fondly. As he can feel the fondness swell in his drifting chest. He likes it.

“ _you’re slurring your words. And don’t you have school tomorrow?”_

”Mm, don’t care,” He sighs, consciousness begins to bleak, “still wanna talk’ to you,”

Kyungsoo hums at that, tone coherently satisfied—, fervent. “ _then_ ,” He clicks his tongue, words hanging in the air. “ _I‘ll only have to hang up then, don’t I_?”

And Jongin let out a whine. A playful one to be exact. But his mind drifts off, so he doesn’t really know— or care too much at that point. 

“you can’t do that to me when I’ve been thinking about you all day,” He changes the topic with the first thing he has in his list, as he steadies his sentences and punctuation, trying to sound awake.

“ _oh god, is it because I didn’t get you any gifts?_ ”

And Jongin can’t help but burst a laugh at that, because Kyungsoo is not particularly wrong. “No!” He manages between his and Kyungsoo snickers. 

Feeble laugh of Jongin is fond— even to his own ears. He wonders if Kyungsoo feels it too. And with just that, their leftovers giggle essences. Both don’t rush to talk. His face flushed warm, snuggles his face closer against the pillow and comforter.

“ _I like it,_ ”

He hears the other line speak, soft and sound. Jongin croons. “what ‘s it?”, half awake. He can feel his rightful mind starting to slumber, mind cryptic as his breath even.

Perhaps it’s Jongin’s brain shutting off, unable to process or following the rules of factual time, or perhaps Kyungsoo takes longer than his mind can hold on, falling between Kyungsoo’s buzzing on the other line. He’s already away, dreamy, when Kyungsoo answers. He can’t make it out what— or to be certain with what exactly it is, but it sure is blooms warmth inside his chest, delight burst in all in one go like it wants to take him apart. 

Before amenity could whisk him away from the immense reality, though, he manages to make out a reply inside his head. Mind floating as the respond drowns thoroughly through the drowsiness that expropriate his body, hazy.

_me too._

  
—-

He can’t say he doesn’t like it— that’d be an absolute lie. Because spending time with Kyungsoo, is better that he could ever imagine.

It doesn’t even fulfill a full meaning of ‘spending time’ when all they do is sending one another texts. Or calls, if it’s adequate. And Jongin takes advantage from it, because he’s braver through messages, less short-circuiting when he doesn’t have to see the very distracting eyes near him.

_that disney movie, i heard it’s good?_

he sends.

They talk more than they do in their weekly tutor session. He knows Kyungsoo likes cooking, likes to sing, black is his favorite color, loves— and owns dogs. He has sent a few pictures for proof and mostly flexing at how adorable they are. Jongin did the same. He also knows Kyungsoo loves movies. Not any favorite certain details why in particular, as long as it’s good, then he’d totally up for it.

His phone pings.

_it is. you haven’t watched it?_

_no, not really interested  
should i?_

_i..  
you just committed a crime  
a serious one to be exact_

Jongin soft chuckles at that.

_oh, so now it’s my fault?_

_not totally, but yup  
honestly can’t believe you haven’t watched it  
a lot of privilege, time AND magical wasted_

_I GET IT  
stop bullying me_

_you really should watch it asap_

_i’ll put that on my watch list_

_no, actually lets watch it together_

Jongin blinks.  
 _what?_

_come over this weekend  
lets watch it together _

  
—-

  
He could die, god, he would die.

“Just make yourself comfortable, i’ll make the popcorn. It won’t take long,”

He hears the elder says. So he drags his feet nervously towards the couch in front of the TV. Basically the couch Kyungsoo usually takes place in while he’s tutoring Jongin. And he would sit on the opposite of him, cross-legged on the floor, back facing the TV.

“how was school?”

“been a pain in tha ass, but nothing i can’t handle,” he soft chuckle. And Kyungsoo does, too.

“Thank god I graduated already.”

There’s already a pile of blanket on the couch, he observes. checking the first thing to ‘make himself comfortable’. The weather is gloomy, makes it even better with the chilly temperature inside the room, if he can say it himself.

It’s indeed doesn’t take that long until Kyungsoo fills the place beside him on the comfy couch, putting a big bowl full of popcorn on top of his and Jongin’s thighs. The other hand put a hot coffee and a hot chocolate on the table nicely.

“Can I help you with any other order, young man?” Kyungsoo mutters, one of his eyebrows raises playfully.

Jongin snickers, rolling his eyes.  
“That was bad,”

“That’s why i’m not a waitress,”

a scoff, “Valid point,” then, “let’s watch the movie,” grinning.

“of course,”

As Kyungsoo settles the TV, Jongin takes his sweet time to appreciate his surroundings. Familiar surroundings, furniture, person, yet feels so different. He smiles excitedly to himself, mostly looking at Kyungsoo now. His purpose here now is way more personal than before. Kyungsoo invites him personally, asks him to come over— stay over, even, if it’s possible. 

“what’s the movie about?” He finds himself asking. He isn’t really interested, just want to talk with the other and fill in the comfortable silence. Kyungsoo moves to turn off the lights, and the movie is starting, the iconic disney castle intro plays. “You’ll see.”

It’s what he says.

But Kyungsoo turning back to the couch and join himself cozily right beside him, shoulder against shoulder, thigh on top of thigh, side body pressed lightly under the blanket, sharing body warmth trough the fabric materials.

He thinks it’d be pretty distracting to see.

However, he does consetrated to the movie quite well, it’s pretty emotional. Especially the part when the boy, the main character, start singing to his grandma exasperatedly, his voice shaking, in order to help her remembering her father. Because if she doesn’t, her father would be gone forever— for good. Maybe he sobs a bit. or a lot. It’s just so touching.

While the elder observes his reaction every time. Grinning every time he gets some newly reaction from the other, like it’s more entertaining than the movie. 

When the part Jongin starts sniffing, holding himself back from sobbing, clearly doesn’t want to make fun of himself right in front of Kyungsoo, the said man shifts and throw his hand around his shoulder instead. Encouraging the younger to lean in on his chest. Or now he can tell— Kyungsoo’s sculpted chest.

He hesitates a bit at first, confused, mind twisting between the movie and the elder, barely proceed Kyungsoo’s action and somehow their position just settled in. Jongin’s cheek smushed against his chest, let his muscles relax between Kyungsoo’s embrace, the hand across his shoulder mildly shuffling the back of Jongin’s head, and it feels like spring breeze all over again. He finds a place there. The comfortableness, the fit size between both bodies, and decides, he likes it. 

There’s a light weight placed on top of his head, and apparently it’s Kyungsoo’s cheek that’s he leans on against the top of his head.

And he starts to sing along with the main character in front.

And... it’s magical.

Jongin’s sobs gradually calming down, enjoying the position he is in with Kyungsoo’s body warmth simmering on his skin, the soothing vibrations through his chest, the pleasing vocals of the other, Jongin between Kyungsoo’s body, head, and embrace. It feels very intimate. And it feels wonderful.

“I hope the thing that happened last time here didn’t traumatize you,” Kyungsoo whispers, not long after the song ends. Jongin is too lost with the spark, that he takes his time to answer the elder. He wants to let him know how wrong the thoughts that probably Kyungsoo has in mind for so long.

So he shifts mildly, thus he can look up and see Kyungsoo’s face more clearly, making sure to look at Kyungsoo in the eyes. And Kyungsoo does the same. They’re so close. TV’s lights across the couch being the only thing that helps them see one another, dark surroundings them, making it more profound.

“What if I say I enjoyed it?”

The movie’s credit background music is playing in the background. And from what it sounds, it rains heavily too outside. It’s weird how those sounds are so calming.

As the words escape his mouth, inevitably Kyungsoo’s demeanor changes. It’s almost like he’s met with the Kyungsoo he encounters last time here— but sober. more collected. serene.

His free hand fly to his cheeks, caressing it softly. As gentle as he remembers before when he stayed in for the night. So he leans in to the touch, eyes never leaving the man in front.

Kyungsoo is watching carefully with keen eyes, gaze firm. 

“Do you?” Another hesitates whisper.

Deep down he knows, nothing would ever go further if Jongin didn’t make it happen. Not if he hasn’t given his permission. Not if he still makes it unclear. 

Fire and want flaming under his skin.

So with burning desire clogging in his throat, he leans forward. eyes flutter shut. Shudders as he presses his lips against the elder.

It fits perfectly like he has felt last time. But nothing like last time; It’s chaste, innocent.

Brief, but too long to be a peck. Brief, but is not that short that he can still savors the other’s plush lips— still can feel Kyungsoo’s pleased sigh tingling against his face.

He pulls himself back slowly, eyes flickering shyly as he observes the other’s reaction, hopeful.

Though before he could proceed anything, Kyungsoo dives in, attaching their lips together again in one swift movement, escaping a whimper from the younger. The elder quickly adapting their hands and limbs, so they’re at a more comfortable position.

The hand that once on top of his shoulder he uses to push Jongin closer, while the other hand remains in place on his cheek, tilting his head in any way Kyungsoo desires.

Kyungsoo kisses him softly at first, pulverize it gently.

then with a gradation of making it full of intensity that makes his head spin, makes him cling to his biceps as it’s the only solid thing on this unsteady, swaying world. He let out a whine when insistent mouth was parting his shaking lips and the hand on his back keep pushing him closer, like they’d never get close enough, sending wild tremors along his nerves; bursting in desires he never knew were this strong and demanding.

It’s so hot.

Once Jongin gives him the access to his helpless mouth, his brain won’t work. It’s shutting down.

If he likes how drunk Kyungsoo kisses, then he loves how sober Kyungsoo kisses. 

No bitter taste of alcohol, or any other substances, but the essence taste of coffee, and raw Kyungsoo.

Passionate, experienced tongue nipping and sucking, do things that he doesn’t particularly have the knowledge for yet feels out of the world. Kyungsoo is devouring him and he wants him to continue. god, he wants it so badly.

Making out never feel this good. It’s too good.

Jongin needs to pull back to take a breath, gasping to the air aimlessly. And Kyungsoo takes the chance to leave wet kisses on his jaw— along with his neck. Licking and sucking, down til the hem of the collar. 

“ _hyung_ —,” Jongin sharp gasps, eyes squeezing shut when Kyungsoo does so, not used for someone to touch him there; the untouched areas. One of Jongin’s hand travels up to grasp a handful of hair in the back his head. His lips, his hot breath against his neck. Jongin is writhing under the touch. His whole body is burning.

When Kyungsoo eventually bites down on the side of his neck, Jongin’s breath hitches and his torso gives in. Can no longer supporting his body to sit. He falls on his back, Kyungsoo on top of his and his mouth never leaving Jongin’s flaming skin.

their new position gives the elder a better access of his exposed skin, so Kyungsoo sucks, nips, at certain spots on his skin that spills whimper after whimper in the back of his throat. sticking fire in his groin.

He’s surrounded, helpless under Kyungsoo. and he doesn’t want to be escaped.

Kyungsoo drags his lips back to meet Jongin’s, savoring it slowly like he’s enjoying every minute of it.

eventually both of them pull back. Catching their breath. Both bodies panting, hot breath meeting hot breath. 

Jongin swallows hard when Kyungsoo’s hooded eyes looking down at his, as he’s trying to study his reaction. 

“You’ve never done this before, right?” and Jongin nods meekly, chewing on his bottom lip. “is this okay?” Kyungsoo inhales, “please, tell me if you want it to stop.” breathily. and there’s sincerity there. He wonders when Kyungsoo would stop making him melt with his words.

If he one to choose who he gonna lose his virginity with, he can’t be more grateful to have Kyungsoo in the first option. 

So he brings and cling both of his hands to Kyungsoo’s neck. Gaze lost far away in, deep in Kyungsoo’s, make sure Kyungsoo catches what he wants. his desire. 

“you..” with teary eyes, he breaths in. “I want you to be my first.” he mutters genuinely. almost can feel his lips tremble out of nerves.

Arousal clenches hardly in his lower gut when Kyungsoo’s pupils darkens, hooded. As he wants to swallow him whole. He possibly has assumed how strong the elder is, but Kyungsoo suddenly lifting him up from the couch, still taken him by surprise.

He tightens his hold on Kyungsoo, can’t do much because Kyungsoo’s mouth is back on his skin. Keep licking and sucking it down to his collarbone. A hand slips under his shirt, startling the other. It’s starting to caress his back, up to his spine, then his hip, exploring. earning more breathy whines from the younger, sending shiver down his spine.

at one point his shirt is up till it stucks at the armpit, and Kyungsoo take the opportunity and quickly attach his mouth to his chest. Jongin on Kyungsoo’s arm, giving the elder advantage of being face to face with his chest, continuing his assault on his neck and collarbone to his bare chest.

The loose shirt that keep coming down is bugging him, so Kyungsoo peels the shirt off.

And Kyungsoo’s hot breath against his chest is never a good idea. It’s tingling all of his senses. It’s sending signals straight to his hardening cock. It’s getting hard to keep his mouth shut. He’s been minimizing his sound so far, holding himself back, so only breathy huffs and whimper ends up escaped his delicate mouth.

a squeeze on his ass cheek, as Kyungsoo laces his mouth to one of his nipple and starts sucking, he can’t help but moan at that. back arches forward slightly, toes curling. he’d be lying if he says the friction between his now straining pants against Kyungsoo’s solid stomach doesn’t take his sanity each minutes.

Jongin is panting, head fogging with arousal. proud he hasn’t grind on the other yet.

he wants it. he wants more.

eventually Kyungsoo put him down on a soft material— a bed. his moan is muffled, blood rushing fast in his boiled veins once he realized, thrils dancing on his skin as he lays on his back, wet and hot tongue still in contact with his harden bud.

He mewls at each stripes, and Jongin impulsively spreads his legs wider, so Kyungsoo can settle his position more comfortably. 

Although, he doesn’t expect their clothed erection to roughly rub. 

Kyungsoo hisses. 

It was a single rub. a short friction— against Kyungsoo’s own erection. The effect is almost automatic. The spark of pleasure breakthrough to his guard, undoing all of his effort to be subtle, as a needy moan coming out from his throat.

Kyungsoo is hard. because of him.

He whines, bucks up by impules. It turns him on so much.

Kyungsoo is kissing him again. He kisses him hard, that he knows his knees would’ve given up by now. His lips is probably swollen red at how Kyungsoo abuses it. 

Though his whole thoughts drift off in an instant. His whole body jerk when he feels a solid palm on his crotch, and starts moving. Jongin is lost. They haven’t even out of their clothes, but he’s already a mess. Kyungsoo palming Jongin’s already hard rock cock at definite pace, rough, watching the younger keenly as the younger trembles under him. thighs shaking. throaty moans beautifully fills up the silence. He tightens his cling on Kyungsoo’s neck, eyes watery as he chokes on his moans.

his hips start to move, adapting the elder’s palm movement. desperate of the delicious friction.

“relax,” he hears Kyungsoo whispers before he leans in. sucking on his earlobe that earns a soft gasps from the younger. “i’ll take care of you,”

he travels and put a kiss on his jaw, then his chin, then his bottom lip. and takes his lips to a slow, sensual, heady kiss. it’s drunkenly. making him lightheaded as their lips mold together.

“i’ll make you feel good,” Kyungsoo says. Intonation lower than usual. and Jongin moans, he almost come by just that. It’s downright sexy.

Kyungsoo must notices his flexing muscles thighs, his more and more fervent moans, and his tightened grip— so he removes his hand. because he knows Jongin is close. Jongin blushes hard, moaning in frustration. It’s embarrassing. they aren’t even halfway down.

“it’s okay,” he whispers, as he kisses the spot below his eyes, aiming at the tears that starts to build there.

Kyungsoo’s hand ghosting over his chest, stomach, hip, reaching his pants. His face is on fire when Kyungsoo starts pulling down his pants, lifting his hips slightly so it can be discarded fully, along with his underwear.

he’s fully naked now, beneath Kyungsoo who’s still fully clothed. somehow he feels the kind of embarrassment of how exposed he is right now; vulnerable, ashamed. it aroused him even more. 

Kyungsoo kneels between his spread legs, tangling one of his legs around his shoulder. His whole body jerk when Kyungsoo laces his mouth to his inner thighs, biting and leaving wet kisses. His cock twitches, he gasps a broken moan. 

His thighs is mad sensitive. That stupid muscle would turns into jelly with the tiniest pressure given. 

Kyungsoo keeps trailing forward, going under until he reaches the edge of his inner thigh, so, so close to his perineum. Jongin only can let out high pitched noises from the back of his throat, holding back muffled moans. His thighs shaking.

He bucks up hardly when he feels a wet, solid muscle, lapping on his entrance. Sharp intake of breath and shaking groans companying Kyungsoo’s wet tongue as it licking on his pinkish hole. Not really entering in, just testing the water. The tongue trails up to his balls, then to his under shaft. 

And Jongin almost lost it. He tips his head to the back. It’s.. it’s weird, to have someone touch him there. It tingles. it’s weird but it’s good. He mewls as Kyungsoo gives no sign of stopping of licking his erection, legs unconsciously tighten around Kyungsoo.

He still doesn’t know why his body still can’t adapt at what’s coming. When Kyungsoo put his cock inside his mouth, all of his body shudder almost violently. Head falls back to the pillow as he cries out, toes curling.

Kyungsoo soft laughs at the reaction, aware all of this is probably new to him. Jongin can’t manage to protest about the laugh because once again the elder dips and bobs his head up and down mildly. 

He screams. Internally at least. Jongin is all hot and flushed, breathing hard. Can’t help to moans as the pleasure drown him in and shutting off his senses. His thighs clasp around Kyungsoo’s head, trembling.

The elder’s hand wander around his inner thighs, rubbing in gently. Squeezes it deliciously he almost jolt.

It feels so good, so, so good.

A wave of pleasure splashes all over his body in a sudden, back arches as Kyungsoo is going faster at sucking his cock. He practically screams as he comes without warning inside Kyungsoo’s mouth.

His body heaving, refilling his oxygen inside his lungs. Yet, all of it feels dreamy. Kyungsoo licks clean the mess he made, and it’s so hot. it’s sexy. His bare legs between Kyungsoo.

Then, the realization hits.

“oh my god, _oh my god_ , I’m _so_ so-“ he rasps out quickly, body automatically rises, cheeks would be obviously red by now. He just came too fast. Kyungsoo is still in his clothes and the prominent bulge is also still there. guilty swimming and spreading in, panicks taking over his head.

Either way, Kyungsoo cuts him. “Hey, hey. It’s alright,” he crawls forward, face to face with the younger. Jongin is almost sobbing, whines in embarrassment. “I, i _can’t_ help it- it feels _too good_ —“

And Kyungsoo presses their lips together, swallowing whatever sentences Jongin tries to say. Letting out pleasured moans instead. “That was the aim right?” Kyungsoo says softly after pulling away, “to make you feel good.” This is bad. His whole body feels they can melt anytime, can turn into ashes anytime by how Kyungsoo keep flaming every inch of his skin by his words and action.

it makes his heart flutter in a way he has never felt before. 

Does everyone first time is this heavenly? or is he just lucky?

So he cups Kyungsoo’s face with both of his hand, as he hiccups. Now be the one to calculate the other’s face with probably his undeniable watery gaze, eyes flickering almost delicately. He thinks he never be more determined to payback someone in his life.

“let me,” Jongin whispers, “let me make you feel good, too.”

And they both knew, heard it, along with the deeper meaning and intentions Jongin put. 

He watches in admiration as Kyungsoo peels of his clothes one by one. Inch per inch revealing things Jongin has been yearning for.

In his arms Kyungsoo hold Jongin’s vulnerable, untouched body tight, never letting go through the night.

Skin against skin. Every touch Kyungsoo given on Jongin’s skin electrifies his body.

His body will probably forever memorize the pleasing sore of the digits working him out. The penetration, the pain, the pleasure, once Kyungsoo enters him.

Kyungsoo’s cry out pleasure as he move within his tight, warm heat. Growing harder as they find their pace and rhythm, moving together in unison, reaching ecstasy, chasing their peak. Jongin let the pleasure flooding him whole, pleasured moans filling the dim room like melodies, harmonizing with Kyungsoo’s low grunts and huffs. The sweet things Kyungsoo whispers, the praises to reduce the pain. He records them by heart. The shiver all over his body as witnesses.

Kyungsoo fills his mouth in the best way possible, gulping in his moans, his body, with more kisses. Jongin loves the way Kyungsoo holds his hips so he can go deeper, deeper into his body. How he practically split him into two. Bringing Jongin to the edge, like he’s floating. Bringing him to see white behind his eyelids, tears streaming down his cheeks align with Kyungsoo’s grip bruises and kissmarks, being a silent proof of how good he has satisfied Jongin tonight. How good Jongin is to him.

His english tutor’s name lingers on his lips as his back arches, toes curling and thighs shaking. arms wrapped even tightly on the other shoulder. Screaming as he has his orgasm, hard.

He passes out with pleasure and satisfaction lingers on top of his skin, glistening with sweat.

  
—-

  
Birds chirping and the shy bright of sunshine peeking through the blinds, rising Jongin from his unconsciousness.

He’s dizzy, mind hazy from waking up. He soft groans as he starts to aware of the soreness of his muscles, sticky, too.

His breath stop as he realized there’s another body warmth pressing on his own body.

_oh my god._

last night flashes through his eyes, heat creeping up his cheeks. Though, he doesn’t regret any of it. With his heart in his ear, he feels the affection as sees Kyungsoo intertwined their fingers together.

His bare spine pressed up against him,  
Kyungsoo’s arms wrapped around his. His breath brushing his neck, heartbeat throbbing gently against his back, and their legs are tangled together under the comforter.

He breaths in slowly, blood stop rushing. Enjoying the protective, and the intimacy position he is in.

"you up?"

Jesus. Kyungsoo really needs to stop startling him like that.

Jongin hums as a reply, not trusting his voice. Pretend like Kyungsoo's raw voice in the morning doesn't do things to his insides. Kyungsoo soft groans, shifts mildy between his awaken. "Are you hungry? I should make breakfast n--" as he attempts to get up, which get deny by Jongin quickly.

"Can we, um, stay like this for a bit longer?" and he hopes he doesn't sound too needy, or clingy. It might taken Kyungsoo by surprise for a mere sec, and recovers quickly. "Oh?" tone teasing, as he settles to their original position, pushing them closer. "Seems like someone likes cuddling." as he pulls Jongin to a bones crushing hugs. The younger can’t help but yelp and let out a bubbly laugh at the other’s response.

“I’m still sore!” he yelps playfully. Giggles amusedly because Kyungsoo doesn’t give enough pressure for it to be actually hurt, and Kyungsoo was being too gentle last night it doesn’t feel that sore.

“I’m healing it,” The elder snickers, running his nose around the back of Jongin’s neck.

They keep it that way, til they’re out of stupid things to apply. Until finally their leftover giggles essence. Jongin plays with Kyungsoo’s fingers, fondling them softly, simply touching them here and there. Their breath even. And scene like these, are always the one that feels like a fever dream.

“Are we dating now?”

Jongin can’t help but speaking it to existence before he could rethink it. And a slight brief of panic risen in his head, but again, he can't find himself taking it back. He needs to know. He _has_ to know.

So he waits patiently. Util Kyungsoo caress Jongin’s fingers back, gently, and replies in a soft tone.“I want us to.”

Jongin's stomach churns feverishly at Kyungsoo’s answer. 

He can’t fight the muscles in the edge of his lips lift widely, make his cheekbones more prominent, bright. “You’ve never taken me on a single date though..”

“Hm?”

Suddenly Kyungsoo gets up, move out of the bed and letting go of Jongin’s touch. He frowns for a bit as he trails Kyungsoo’s path to the wardrobe and— _oh_.

Kyungsoo wraps a white towel around his neck, and another similar towel on the other hand. “If we clean up fast we still could settle for that one,” And how Jongin hates what that teasing grin do under his skin, tickling him inside and outside.

He gets up and followed Kyungsoo hastily, ignoring the dull sore of his muscles. His wide grin hasn’t fainted yet, and he can’t think of a better idea than that.

Every step that Jongin takes along with Kyungsoo is exciting. The littlest thing Kyungsoo does send little flaming sparks across his skin. It’s so drunkenly it makes him sick, but wanting more of it. He learns to accept and embrace these feelings that always scares and excites him in the same time. Let the realm butterflies roaming around him, tickling him, giving him the answer of yes, all of these are _real_.

He knows Sehun pretty much is never going to let this down. like _ever_. But he thinks, he can't deny it anymore.

With how much trust he has given the elder, with how his body thrills in excitement in the thought of with more new days with an open chance with the elder-- he can't help but forms a gleaming smile. He’s practically, is helplessly in love with Kyungsoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg thank you for reading it so far!! I really enjoyed writing this chaptered fic and glad it finally come to an end. I really appreciate each one of you who has read, commented, and gave kudos. It really motivates me, lol. I kinda want to write about sehun and junmyeon's reaction about the new couple but i've wasted so much words already by now. 
> 
> Deeply apologize if it didn't come out as good as what you've expected, especially the smut part. Still, see you soon on my other fic! ;) I have a kaisoo criminal au in progress rn and i'll consider on uploading it. Have a wonderful day <3

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try to update weekly, please drop your thoughts under about what you think about the story. I'd really appreciate it!


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